


Ashes in the Hourglass

by cr3stfallen



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Abuse of Authority, Abuse of Power, Almost everyone dies, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ashen Wolves compliant, Bittersweet Ending, But it fails terribly, Byleth has anger issues, Childhood Trauma, Codependency, Cunnilingus, Dark fic, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, If you're here looking for a fic demonizing the mentally ill I'm sad to say it's the exact opposite, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Minor Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc/My Unit | Byleth, Mystery, New Game Plus, Past Relationship(s), Post-Blue Lions Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Post-Crimson Flower Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Post-Golden Deer Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Previous setleth, Psychosis, Public Blow Jobs, Suspense, Thriller, Time Travel Fix-It, Underage Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, complex-post traumatic stress disorder, heed the archive warnings, more tags to be added as spoilers come up, previous claudeleth, previous edeleth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:46:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cr3stfallen/pseuds/cr3stfallen
Summary: A desperate attempt to save them all, Byleth's final try at pushing herself and her goddess powers to their limit to rewrite history comes up short. This entire monstrosity was born of those hidden game files in BL route. It sort of evolved into this horrid thing that I could see backing it up, I made it worse to where I could understand the party breaking off at that point. This isn't a happy ending at all, but I can guarantee it will be an interesting ride at least. Lots of smut of varying degrees of dubiousness on both sides, but the focus is on how easily things could go wrong. How easy it is to exploit trust, lose yourself in trying too hard, abandon what you once stood for trying too egotistically to get your cake and eat it too.So if you know the game files I'm talking about, you know the end game. Enjoy the ride there, if you can.Beta'd by @themadclicker my babeIllustrated by @ouroridae
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 35
Kudos: 119





	1. Sword

Her eyes alight with flame as the blessed sword flew into her grasp, glowing with ferocity as she cut down the miscreants that had defiled this hallowed church ground. Not that she cared much, hearing her head mate scream at her in furious determination. Unblinking, it's whip extended into a skull behind her with a sick crack, stifling a squeal of pain as quickly as it started as her class leader flinched away from the unexpected transformation. Thrumming in her veins as she held the blade, fingers running over the time-worn breaks of the handle with well-practiced ease.

_ Something feels... different. This sword. It speaks a familiar language. Pain. Need. Why do I recognize her cries? _

_ "Zanado? No. This pain is fresher..." _

She did their bidding, answering the call with a simple finality as if holding this ancient weapon was naught more than a cheap practice blade, slicing down the last pathetic mage of whoever sent people to infiltrate the Monastery. She felt like she should have known who it was, but came up dry, kicking the corpse at her foot and looking over the bizzare gift with a muted chuckle.  Her students stood back, jaws dropped as she casually holsters the creepy bone blade and continues past them without a word. The waters part in awe as they watch her, one by one falling in line. His tall bloodstained blonde head bows first, urging the others to retreat. Their job that day was done. Back to the surface to rest and process all they had seen, when just ten minutes prior none of them had known there were relics housed in this tomb at all. Somehow Byleth had known.

-

  
  


"You will hand over the blade, young one." 

"But dear Seteth, it has chosen her." 

_ A swell of pride in her chest, hearing the chuckle of a tiny green gremlin echo through her thoughts. “Foolish daughter. Of course I chose her. It is  _ **_my_ ** _ blade. This is **my** vessel.” _

"Very well, you may keep it. I cannot go against the Archbishop's wishes."

Seteth's arms crossed in resignation, sighing heavily as he analyzed her. Nothing to be found across Byleth's unfazed features though, as usual. Rhea moved closer, rubbing a hand gleefully up her arm as her eyes glimmered intensely.

"Treat this weapon with the greatest of care, dear Professor. Please tell me if anything… changes. I am here for you, dear child." 

Somehow, the Archbishop's words rang hollow and untrue. 

_ Here for what? I do not need your help. The Goddess has blessed my every move. She told me as much. _

After that night, slowly her class noted changes. More warmth, more wit, more anger. Nothing could stop the slow turn of time of course, but unsure what its passing signified. They all had their own problems, of course, and couldn't do much when nothing was even technically wrong with her. They all grew closer, Byleth's steady guidance seemingly ordained. She received hints of futures to pass in sweat gripped nightmares. Crimson Blood. Yellow winds of longing. Blue tears. Silver emptiness. No joy in any of them, no permanence in any of the faces. Traces of things she once knew, wishing so badly to get things right in some manner that she always got it wrong. All she knew was in the end, she always failed before her weary eyes cracked open to a new day. It mustn't have meant much, but she could not put to rest the vivid images that flashed before her of a woman with devil horns, a proud golden flier, a black-clad  monster with intimidating cries, a dragon. It must not mean anything. Rhea was kept in the dark. She did not trust that woman.

_ My dear Byleth, is it just me, or are you more open to the universe this time? _

_ Whatever do you mean, oh friend in my head. I must focus now. They need me.  _

_ Yes. But you are so close to the answer. Do not be impatient, you fool. It will come to you in due time. _

_ I do not have time Sothis.  _

_ What makes you say that?  _

_ I see their dying faces at night, haunting me. I know my time is short. _

_ Time means nothing, stupid girl. Do not rush this, whatever this... thing is.  _

Byleth had been more expressive, more perceptive, more guarded, and snappy, gifting far more to the leaders of the Golden Deer and Black Eagles house as time went on. Jealousy stung at Dimitri, knowing he deserved nothing from his simple teacher and feeling a fool for hoping she cared as much as he did, watching her leave the other two house leaders with increasing frequency. But it was not just that. Students started joining the Blue Lions in droves, first Dorothea with a knowing wink one morning, then Hilda, then Lindhart, then Petra, Marianne. It became hard for him to catch up with his own class duties due to their transfers, but Byleth just took it dutifully, somehow not losing any of her cool composure in the chaos. They were good students in the end, but handling so many on the battlefield was wearing her down bit by bit. It seemed a boon to most thought, her emotions sharpening and coming alight more each week. Everyone delighted in the aloof and awkward teacher warming up to all of them, adding to her charm.

Her class leader noted the change more acutely it seemed, sticking by her side nearly every day after dismissal. Staying later after class dispersed and watching her with a sad understanding in his eyes, blonde bangs concealed his own worries as he worked. After a healthy amount of time had passed in silence, he raised his head to watch her focused gaze mapping out their next auxiliary in the western part of the Empire.

"Professor… is it out of line of me to speak for a moment?" 

_ "If I may speak freely…" _

She recognized that tone. Pulled from her long-forgotten memories, she forgot her manners for a moment before remembering where she was. 

_ When  _ she was.

"Yeah sure kid, what's up?" She didn't raise her chin from her hand, relaxed as ever despite the lost threads grasping at the back of her consciousness. Byleth could still cover herself most of the time. 

_ Smart girl. _

He gritted his teeth, difficulty at finding his voice in his shaky grip on the pen threatening to break. Sensing his hesitation Byleth rose and walked around behind him, plopping down next to him on the wooden bench and focusing on whatever worry was enough for him to speak up despite his anxieties. She really, truly did wish to find out the right answer to whatever Sothis was leaking into her own consciousness, but at the moment it didn't hold any meaning for her. Losing herself in thought again as she gazed into his intense blue eyes, she saw flashes of pain, rage, loss, and some somber muted happiness in the far distance. At some point, she lost herself searching his features for a concrete answer that did not exist only to snap back to him blushing furiously and clearing his throat with a rub at the back of his neck.

"I am. Terribly sorry. I just find myself worried over whatever preoccupations seem to be haunting you as of late. I was wondering if there was anything that could be done to help, you're normally so…" he trailed off, losing his words with a furrowed brow. Her heart clenched tight at his worry.

_ Silly prince, look at him trying so hard. _

Pushing Sothis' voice down, she chuckled instead. Reaching up, she ruffled his soft hair before sweeping a chunk of bangs behind his ear delicately against his hot skin. He didn't pull away from the contact, transfixed and waiting for her answer.

"Don't fret over me. I've just been having some odd nightmares these past few weeks."

His gaze fell. 

"So you understand. I'm truly sorry you must deal with that as well." 

She held some vague remembrance of this moment as her hand finally retreated, but it was different. Shuffled, like a deck playing cards she had read in a new order but...

"How do  _ you _ deal with them, Dimitri? I still am quite unfamiliar with losing sleep over things that won't ever happen. It is quite unlike me." 

Dimitri's fists clenched in his lap, unsure of the right words and not wishing to overstep despite his desire to help. He spoke again to the table, serious and focused.

"You're right. I have been quite confused, for you normally are so. Detached? I'm. Gods... pardon my rudeness, but you are so much more expressive lately. Is it because of these nightmares?"  Frantic, he scrambled to cover the unintentional insult. Byleth just laughed, cutting that line of worry short. 

"No no… really don't worry. I have thick skin. It's kinda cute." 

He gulped hard, blinking as he stared. That just made him ever the cuter.

"Cute?" 

She found some sick joy despite herself at his embarrassment.  _ Maybe it's your fault.  _ Breathing deep, she tapped her fingers on the desk in thought as she glanced at him wringing his hands nervously.  _ Your hands are so warm have they a… what was that...  _ She jolted back as he spoke again more confidently, trying to ignore her spacey attitude and help anyway. That is what he called her over for, after all. Scratching at his head where she touched him a moment prior, he gestured widely as he spoke.

"Well, I just. I don't have much, truthfully, but I don't wish to see you suffer like that." he paused, thinking it over. "Sometimes I go for a run or practice sword work, sometimes I write out my worries and burn it…" another pause, his mouth hanging slightly parted as he thought over his next words. "If you can't ever sleep, I can offer to take your mind off it for a while. Distractions can help." 

_ Well, that's a new one. _

Byleth’s gaze narrowed, confused. Wouldn't that wake him as well?

"What sort of distraction?" 

"Professor, it's the least I can do for all you've done for us to give you something positive to cling to." 

She didn't know which words would have caused her further concern, but he didn't truly answer her question. Brow slightly furrowed as she maintained eye contact in an attempt to read him better.

"I...uh. Thank you. That's very kind." 

His face fell, sensing her hesitation. 

"My apologies. That was too far, wasn't it." 

Byleth's hand flew to hold his own, assuring him quickly without thinking. Surprise as he searched her face for guidance, clenching her hands tight in his own. It felt too intimate, but somehow the most natural thing in the world. Like they had done so a million times before. A forbidden, gentle comfort for the chaos she knew he was barely concealing as they sat too close alone in the Blue Lions classroom where anyone could come across them.

"No. It wasn't. Don't apologize for caring."

-

Byleth prepared tea with Edelgard that weekend, gifting her a teddy bear at the end of it all when their fancy milk Bergamot started to cool. The girl's eyes lit up with childish glee and new vulnerability, clutching it desperately despite her normally cold exterior. 

"This is my favorite, how did you know?? Professor… sometimes I wish you had chosen my class. I feel like I would be a lot less lost." 

Byleth sipped at her tea with a nod, not giving away anything.

"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere if you aren't, right?" 

Edelgard frowned slightly, turning her head.  _ Why would that upset her? _ A silly, confusing mess she ended up being. Only small bits came to Byleth of her, hence the extra time spent with her to try and drum up some new dreams. She was starting to pick up bits and pieces, but it seemed a world away, in some fog whereas her flashes of Dimitri were so vivid it took her breath away at times. She had to know everything before she could fix the growing anxiety that something was wrong deep in her head. Unsure still if she was remembering or conjuring these nightmares on her own, she could not drop the question that lingered more each day in the back of her head. Curiosity drove her forward, waiting for the young woman's reply.

"I have lost my manners. You are free to choose whatever path you need to meet your goals."

She didn't seem entirely truthful in that wish, but she took it anyway. Perhaps convincing herself as well as the teacher with her. Thinking on that, Byleth sipped at her tea more and studied her. _Curious girl. Why do I so vividly remember her jealousy now of all times?_

_ I wished to walk wi- _

  
  


"You know. If you like I sometimes have room for another axe user on auxiliary battles. Perhaps you could catch up with your step-brother as well." 

Confusion flashed over her purple eyes, trying to appear strong as usual just as quickly as her expression came it burned away to the usual composed Edel.

"A funny thought, my dear Professor. Perhaps. I will consider it." 

_ Step-brother?? Is that right? Am I… remembering wrong… _

_ “I do not know you fool. I have as much info as you.” _

“Anyways! I am sorry if I took too much of your time. I know I have meetings I must attend to myself.” 

Byleth nodded, not finding anything coming to her in their time together and slightly disappointed. 

“Alright then, please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve got time to figure it out.” 

A cheeky grin from her as she rose to bid her farewell, but Edelgard just looked let down in her words even with all the efforts to be cordial. Flipping her long hair as she left, Byleth sensed that she had misspoken somehow. Maybe it was the offer to join her class on missions… Cleaning up after the young woman left, she was startled by a voice right behind her. 

“Professor…”

She turned, trying to compose herself before meeting her class leader face to face as he glared at the ground next to her. 

“Hello, Dimitri. Are you alright?” 

He took a moment to speak, turning his head from her gaze. 

“I’m sorry for speaking out of turn but I cannot understand. Why do you keep having tea with _her?”_

She didn’t know. Couldn’t quite tell him that she was having nightmares about them all. Opening her mouth, she shut it promptly and put the ashen demon’s face back once more. She didn’t even know if spending time with her would spark any more lost threads either.

“I don’t see what it’s hurting.” 

He nearly flinched away from her words.

“Am I not good enough?” 

Confusion turned to a pang in her chest. _That’s right. His crippling insecurity._ She would need another way to pick Edelgard's brain that didn’t include things that would hurt him if she wished to continue with her little plan. Without thinking, she took a step forward and pulled him close, burying her face in his armored chest. That familiar scent overwhelmed her again, soothing her nerves. Like coming home. Sandalwood, iron, musk. He stood completely frozen with a barely perceptible hitch in his breath at her holding him.

“Look. I chose your class because…” she paused. Didn’t wish to say the truth, but she had already hugged him. Racking her brain for a suitable non-suggestive answer and coming up empty, he spoke again in a choked whine. 

“You don’t have to lie for my sake.” 

Every cell in her body urged her on to comfort him. Panic set in. At the very least, she knew he would not suspect her true motives but that did little to assure him she would not be leaving his side when he had not the years of loving support from before to back it up. She clenched tighter.

_ “Why do you remember that, I wonder?”  _

_ I do not know. _

“Dimitri. I know trust is difficult for you, but I have no time for false niceties like you nobles. I want to be here, by you. I made my choice.” 

_ Again, why do you know that trust is that hard for him? _

_ I do not know. _

That must have been good enough for now, as she felt him nod aggressively and finally hug her back so nervously she thought she might pop, resting his face in her hair as he enveloped her. His tenuous control of strength had not yet been honed as she remembered, and the nerves must have distracted him into going a bit too far trying to soothe his worries. It took a second for Byleth to be able push him away gently, him dropping the hold suddenly as soon as he realized what he was doing. 

“I am. So sorry I have no… you can make your own decisions. This was foolish of me to even bring up Professor. I apologize, I know you chose my class but that doesn’t mean th-” 

He started to back up before she held him firmly in place this time to cut him off, staring up at the frazzled young man that looked like he might cry. 

“No. Stop it. Breathe. I’m happy here.” 

Pausing as his foot bounced, he bit his lip as he gazed down at her clinging to him. His posture stiffened. One hand moved to her shoulder, bracing himself as his eyes flitted between her own as he gently ran circles over the rough tweed of her coat. His other hand gently came to rest on the small of her back, speaking as if to convince himself more than her.

“We should. Go.” 

She somehow knew that look, but refused to budge.

_ “You should know better, child. You could stop this.”  _

But she didn’t wish to. Her body drove her forward despite the risks as he tilted her chin upwards with the gentlest touch, allowing him to dip down and kiss her delicately while he cradled her face. His shaky breath betrayed just the faintest hint of hesitation, driven past that by their desperation. 

_ Do you know how much I missed this, dear Sothis? _

_ “Missed WHAT, you FOOL. A stupid child being misled by your flagrant displays? I ought to force time to reset and take this from you until you can behave!!!!” _

He clearly did not know what to do yet, but after a second held her in place to continue pressing his soft lips to her own before he broke it with a shaky hand on her waist. It felt so good, so natural, so so... Familiar. Like she had done so a thousand times, but never like this. The taste like honey, dulcet and comforting as that ache she felt in her hollow chest was eased away. His gloved thumb ran over her cheek reverently before he pulled back, blue eyes going wide. 

“Dear gods I. Should not have done that Professor I-”

She shushed him, hand over his mouth quickly as his panicked tone threatened to draw others nearby to them. 

“Keep your voice down!!! I’m the one who should have stopped it..” 

_ “SEE YOU FOOL. THIS IS TOO SOON!!!”  _

_ Sothis shut up!!! So what!!! I just didn’t know what I was doing last time! _

_“What do you **mean** last time??_ The _problem lies not with YOU, but with HIM!!! Stop this now!!”_

“I cannot stop thinking about you, but I am truly sorry it does not reflect well on someone of my status doing such dishonorable things, taking this from you without permission or proper conduct, I am going to get you fired and thrown out of this establishment for my impunity oh goddess...” 

Rambling incoherently about duty and honor and duty as soon as Byleth finally let him speak freely in a frantic hushed tone, praying forgiveness for what she hoped for as well. How could he not know she was the truly selfish one. She shook her head, dragging his head down to speak low in his ear.

_ I can’t WAIT that long, Sothis. Please leave me be!!!  _

_ “Try me again, you fool. I will erase everything. I had thought you would be more careful with this gift you’ve been given, but humans are so stupid.” _

“It was not unwelcome. You just need to be more careful; the church has eyes everywhere.” 

Letting him go, Dimitri covered his mouth to badly conceal the flush across his face before he nodded silently. Dropping his gentle hold of her to part quickly, he continued to nod before bowing and moving to leave with a furious blush still showing up to his ears.  _ Still so terrible at hiding his true feelings...  _

“Th-thank you, Professor, I will leave you to your duties for today.” 

-

The orphans in the church’s care were so cute as they gathered intently there for training, but something in her chest couldn’t quite relax. Despite doing something good, she wanted to hold back. Faerghus’ violent values seemed an odd thing to be passing on at this age, but she could hardly blame him for wanting to impart all he had known growing up either. She figured he just wanted to put all his anxious energy into a positive outlet, what could it hurt? That’s why he asked her, the Ashen Demon, queen of sword mastery to assist him as well. Today, they were just holding wooden planks and learning grip and footwork. Maybe she was overreacting… seeing Dimitri’s features light up as they picked up on it, the silly screeching of untamable child energy bouncing off the walls as she tried to reign them in was a joy. Maybe she should relax a bit, take some happiness in this break from the stress she had come to embrace every night. They called her mom, nodding intently with every bit of knowledge and pretending they were big kids like the ones in the Blue Lions. 

“Mommy, is this so we can kill people? I don’t want to...”

She answered calmly. 

“If you are skilled enough, you won’t have to. Knowing how to keep yourself safe is always positive. Life isn’t always fair… Sometimes the things we go through challenge us to our core. Learning this is just one tool in your set, it is up to you how you use it.” she trailed off, letting her studious pupil pick up the slack as she relaxed at his side. Slowly, she leaned into his shoulder, hearing him pause for a second before continuing without acknowledging it as he spoke of the sword styles of different lands. Maybe a bit above their heads, as she saw the small ones slowly lose interest before she dismissed them for the day. As they dispersed, Dimitri turned to her. 

“If it’s not too much, I um. Have a suggestion as well?” 

“This was your idea, so go ahead.” 

He rubbed at the back of his neck, speaking low in a near mumble. 

“I just. Thought that since we are giving them practical skills… maybe reading would be a smart thing to teach as well. That is, if we have the time!! I do not wish to capitalize all of your energy Professor-”

_ Huh. Something about this seems different. _

Surprise across her face at the suggestion, but she quickly recovered to call out loudly.

“Hey, kids! The prince wants you all to learn to read.” 

She didn’t give him time to react, babbling as he tried to say she shouldn’t have thrown the suggestion before one of the little ones cut him off. 

"Mommy and Daddy are gonna read to us??" all the kids shouted, excited at the prospect of someone paying them more attention and care as they ran in circles around them. Locking eyes in embarrassment at the title for a second too long as their minds wandered. He blushed with his mouth agape, but she just hears their child of another timeline giggling and running down the hall for Daddy Dima.  _ THEIR CHILD??? What is… what is this? What child. _

"S-Sorry. Silly kids. Don't know what they're saying." 

_ Alexei. Their- _

"What? Professor, are you alright? Who is Alexei? Is that his name?" 

She had not realized she spoke aloud as her eyes widened in fear this time. She meets his gaze again and sees the softness of her loving husband for just a second before it is dashed, shaking her head quickly to see just the kind prince staring at her and waiting for an answer. No. That man was not here. The one that helped her heal before she knew what love even was far away from this time. Mouth agape, she just stares blankly back at the confused young man with two eyes and a far smaller headcount. This wasn't her Dimitri. 

_ Be more careful you witless fool. _

“I. I think so.” 

“It is a lovely name…”

"I am fond of it as well."

He paused, going to leave finally and offering his arm to his walking partner.

"Professor, I cannot blame them for misspeaking. It is not as if they have any other foundation to cling to."

"It's fine, let them hold on to that hope. I find it rather endearing."

He smiled softly at that. His confusion of a moment ago was quickly dulled as she caught his gaze wandering to her lips yet again, eyes softening a touch as he mulled over her words in a soft reverie. That gentle boy, she somehow knew would meet so much agony shortly… giving too much of himself until it destroyed him. Something inside her pulled her helplessly to him, driven by the need to help him no matter the cost. She had no clue what any of it meant, but knew eventually, she could unravel things and make it right once and for all.

She knew he would love her again anyway.

_ I will fix him before he gets broken.  _


	2. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some good Claude and Hilda hijinks are always fun.
> 
> Well. Hijinks for them. Serious trouble for Byleth.

"Jeeze Teach... If I didn't know any better I'd say you were reading my mind!" 

_Just your past self. Nothing to worry about. Now give up just a bit more kid I'm_ **_so_ ** _close to a breakthrough..._

A chuckle as Claude tongued the inside of his cheek, tilting his head in disbelief as he reached for another scone, munching lazily as he eyed her up and down. Byleth remained unaffected, playing off his joke with a curious head tilt as she bit off a chunk of scone before speaking through crumbs.

"I think you would be surprised at how many people agree with you, in their own way. It's quite a noble goal for someone who claims to be such a rascal."

He scoffed at that, waving his hands and sipping some pine tea down. Scruffing his hand through his thick curly locks before twirling a piece around his finger, staring absently at the air above her head.

"Nahhhh, if anything I bill myself as the mysterious outsider just to put all these kids on the defensive. It's funny watching them squirm trying to reason me out." 

For some reason, she was well used to his antics, knowing it was a deflection from a good guy deep down who felt rejected everywhere he went. Byleth folded her hands in her lap, choosing her words carefully to continue on her goal, hoping that enticing his problem-solving side would prove fruitful.

"So what are you trying to reason out of _others_ , then? Have you a guess as to where Flayn has gone to as well?" 

Out of nowhere she had flashes of a dungeon. Somehow she knew the young girl was safe, she knew not how. Green hair. She was cold and scared. Someone who worked for the church. _Someone, someone….???? Spar me. Catherine??? No…_ She frowned, staring at the table as she tried to forcefully yank these memories back to the surface, a churning black pit that she both loathed to touch but couldn't hold herself back from. Again, it fizzled with little else coming to her with a heavy sigh, focusing on him quickly.

_Sothis, help me. This is one of your- Wait. You know Flayn, don't you?_

_"Focus, you fool. I am allowed my secrets."_

Pulled back yet again to a very entranced golden deer currently staring her down like he needed nothing more than to know whatever was distracting her, his eyes glimmered with glee. He seemed to be trying to breaking her down, albeit not very well. She wished there was a better way to hold back whatever kept seeping into her waking hours, as it was proving harder to cover as it increased in frequency.

"Well now. That is the question of the month. But I'm more interested in _your_ odd behavior lately, myself." 

Byleth composed herself once more, sipping at the tea she really didn't care for, stifling a puckered face at it. It was too bitter, too earthy. He raised his eyebrows at her before sitting back in his chair, hands behind his head.

"How would you know I am acting odd if you don't know me." 

"Then why would you choose a tea you hate, a class leader you keep avoiding when you could have just picked me instead?" He smirked with a wink, knowing she was on the defensive given her snap-change and continuing his assault. She glared at him, wondering what he saw.

_"Cool it, woman. He can't know much just from you acting distracted and friendly, right?"_

"I have this sinking suspicion that you regret getting so close to someone here who makes your heart tremble. You're scared of it. You're scared of the consequences, and now you are chickening out, distracting yourself with frivolous tea parties to try and keep a professional front. I just have yet to find out who." 

Claude sat forward quickly, clicking his tongue as he watched her like a hawk. 

"Maybe…. a student. One _important_ enough it would cause scandal to have a commoner dallancing with them."

Immediately, she snapped back, roughly clanking down her cup onto the saucer with a deadpan stare.

"That's a rather presumptuous claim, _kid._ Maybe you should stop fantasizing about those odd scandals Bernadetta puts in her novels and respect those above your current station." 

A sigh, shaking his head and leaning back to signal resignation, despite his eyes telling a different story. 

"Too true, teach! Forgive me my scholarly pursuit of drama!!! You're just too bizzare a case for me to drop cold, you know." 

_"He is absolutely not taking you seriously, my child."_

_I know. But what am I to do._

"Drama? Like? A missing child? Is that not scandal enough for you??" 

The dry sarcasm seemed more his tone, slipping into it easily as if she was entirely used to using it around him. Finally that got through to him, shaking his head in resignation and downing the rest of his tea in two heavy gulps before pounding it down. 

" _Gahhh_ fine. You're no fun. Take this from me though, I don't trust that librarian, and I _will_ figure out what your deal is. _Quickly._ " 

Rising swiftly, Claude clapped a hand on her shoulder and bounded away before she could stop him, dropping the serious tone he put on just as quickly as it came.

_He doesn't even have_ **_half_ ** _the story. Such a rude child for being an heir to a huge part of Fódlan… but again. I can't blame him, he never really fit in with either family gro… oh wait. I. Where did I learn that._

_"He sensed your idiotic panic, even if that is all he currently holds. You need a stronger distraction to keep your mind straight! I can't even blame him for mocking you, seeing what a desperate fool you keep making of yourself around the boy."_

A scoff escaped her once he was out of sight, shaking her head and trying to not slam the gentle dish set around as she gathered her things. She couldn't tell if he truly was rude, or if he sensed something was off with little to back it up. Perhaps he was frustrated at himself; after all, just because she had opened up to the prince did not mean she was completely forthcoming to any others. He was just a side treat on the way to unraveling the rest. It would compromise everything. After finishing her cleaning and walking back to her quarters, she noticed Claude and Hilda whispering to each other in hushed tones before his friend cackled openly, stifling it as she walked near.

"Ohhhh, Professor!!! We were just talking about how _engaging_ your lessons are! It's a pity Claude can't join, but at least I can get a front row seat for now."

_For now?_

Byleth just nodded absently to her newest transfer before watching Claude intently. After he had bolted so quickly not long ago, she wondered if Hilda was waiting for him.

_"Come now child, suspecting even your allies? Not a good look. If you wish to panic over well intentioned curiosity maybe you should curb your behavior like I_ **_told you._ ** _"_

_Sothis for the love of the goddess please don't do this now._

"Oh, is that so. Just what is so intriguing about it? You seem to doodle more than anything and pass notes to Sylvain." 

The pink haired girl recoiled, crossing her arms quickly. 

"Well!! If you had a problem with my behavior maaaybe you should have talked to me in private? It's more during mock battles with our class! You look so, I dunno. _Fired up._ "

_What is she getting at. I really am suspecting she is feeding him info now. They won't be able to find out anything. Even if they do, I'll tell them the Prince made an offer I couldn't refuse._

_"Come now, even I know you couldn't ever throw him under the carriage like that!!!"_

_Perhaps you are right._

"Do I now. I'll have to keep that in mind, bring back my moniker of old to impart on you the demon's blade. Not a bad idea, letting you all in on my technique…" 

She looked surprised, twirling a long pigtail around her finger much like Claude had a few minutes prior. They really were a unique pair. Such a stark contrast to the other two house's retainers, the right-hand man sworn to platonic unwavering dedication to their liege. Byleth wasn't ever really fond of the idea, and neither was Dimitri from what she could tell. Too much fuss for someone as practical as her, and too much formality for Dimitri who just wished a friend.

These two, though. Thick as thieves. Dropping Claude's class to come hang out with the Lions did seem an odd move, but now she worried that was only temporary in the end. They both eyed her up as she stood there thinking before Dimitri happened by, rushing over excitedly to meet the group gathered against the wall by the training grounds. 

"Well now! Fine afternoon, isn't it? How are you three fairing?" 

"Ohhh hello handsome~ I'm fineee…." 

His blush at Hilda's embarrassing come on was quick to take hold on his bright red ears, crossing his arms and brushing it off immediately. 

"Hilda I do not think this is the time for jokes. I- Never mind. Professor, would you like me to carry that?" 

Byleth smiled softly as she met his curious gaze, luckily not betraying anything past cordial cheer towards her as she shook her head no.

Hilda giggled, standing a bit straighter as she leaned against Claude. Byleth tried her best to conceal the warmth she usually showed around Dimitri as well, standing with her hip cocked and arms full of tea supplies as they traded half-baked leads. She could not falter, not when the other two smelled a problem brewing. Perhaps he would be distracted enough not to give any tells they could run off and misinterpret to anyone else… her thoughts were cut off as the Prince changed his tone suddenly.

"Hilda, I must ask. You two get on so well that I cannot fathom, but why would you drop that to join our class so quickly?" 

_Wait. He's right. I do not remember this ever happening before… Just because I know all their favorite foods doesn't mean… huh. Why this time._

Her face lit up, not thinking before blurting her answer.

"You're right, I just get so _boooored_ staring at the same kids every day. I hope you won't be offended if I decide to transfer back at some point though?" Couching her harsh admission in soft words, playing coy as her usual cover. Dimitri's face showed no harshness.

"Oh no, not at all. You must do whatever you find is best for your own personal growth. I just find it rather irreverent of the usual customs at the monastery to do so, but perhaps I have been misunderstanding things. Forgive my rudeness, it has been bothering me for some time."

His head dipped, still ashamed of bearing his true feelings though the mention of monastery customs felt an obligation more than anything considering he was skirting far closer to a breach of ethics than Hilda. Byleth just soaked it in, rather glad to not be the focus for once so she could think clearer. Definitely, not thinking about his gentle, needy kiss the other day...

"As if that would hurt my feelings, Mr. Prince! I guess I just foolishly thought you would help me more but _that_ was a dumb idea. Not even Sylvain puts up with my pouting for favors… and you seem to be busy enough being a good lap dog without my help." 

She winked as Dimitri averted his gaze, feet twitching to leave quickly before he caught himself. 

"You're right, that was presumptuous of me. I apologize. Let me leave you all to your brainstorming then, I need to do some studying of my own." 

_What was that about?_

Before she could ask, Dimitri had excused himself and left, slightly frazzled though Byleth had no inkling why. She spoke cautiously, leading back to their previous topic. 

"So uh… anyway. I'm kind of worried that this month will just be burnt trying to find this kid only for her to turn up right under our noses or something…" 

-

They had found Flayn. She was right; it was an instructor. Jertiza. 

_Sigh. I was so close. Wrong Church worker, wrong blonde._

They had left Dedue behind with Hanneman to get Manuela to safety, bringing their equipment in as discreetly as they could. It proved difficult with how scared Ashe and Annette were, but she let them stick in back with a torch until they were cut off by a mysterious armored soldier she recognized. 

“One of us will die, the other will live. Let us start in this dance of damnation!!!” 

“Cut it out Jeritza. Just give us Flayn and tell us who you are working for.” 

She was in no mood for his antics, but that seemed to piss him off more. Perhaps she wasn’t supposed to know who it was at this point, despite the fact that they were led here directly from the hole in _his_ room and two weeks early at that. He galloped away quickly down the halls with a loud scoff, Flayn’s cries for help echoing down the damp passageways as she heard them shouting at each other. _We’re coming, don’t worry._

The sword at her side thrummed, anxious as she to get on with it as they were ambushed on all sides. Deciding on separating the group, she instructed them as such. 

“There should be a key in the far back left room that will get you further, I will meet up with the rest of you later. Dimitri, you lead them, cut down _anyone_ that stands in your way. We have to help Flayn. Felix, Mercedes, Ashe, you come with me. I saw a teleport pad to our right.” 

Somehow, she knew the way as if she had done this countless times. Dimitri sputtered, panic on his sweet face as he gripped the lance at his side tightly. 

“Professor!! What if you get hurt?” 

“I won’t.” 

He blinked fast, his horse sensing the anxiety and whinnying impatiently as he tried to come up with a good excuse to stay by her. 

“It’ll be over in fifteen minutes, I guarantee. A horse wouldn’t do well in these closed hallways anyway.” 

He opened his mouth to protest before turning away with a pained frown, leading the rest of them down the larger hallway reluctantly before they could get caught off guard by the soldiers in wait.

_"Look at that little puppy, aweee… he wants to make you happy so badly!!! Was he this worried before?"_

Byleth shook her head, ignoring Sothis cackling at his expense before instructing her students best she could. The enemy was not well trained, and absolutely zero match for a woman with time control and a class full of superpowered nobles. They picked off a flurry of archers through the twisting hallways, satisfied that she had remembered to not bring any mounted units this way. The Death Knight grew ever more excited seeing what a challenge it would be, his loud dramatics running everyone’s blood cold as it echoed through the empty, destroyed chamber. As she cut down a thief by a switch, she heard a cry of agony from across the way. 

_“BYLETH! It’s Sylvain!!!”_

Pausing time, she reversed back one room, hoping that gave them enough time to undo whatever damage Dimitri’s probable impatience got them into. She cried across the way, knowing they would be able to hear despite the distance as she was near the back by this point. 

“Dimitri!!! There’s an archer on the other side of that wall! Back Sylvain up!!” 

Shortly thereafter, she heard the archer fall, pleased he was at least obedient enough to not cause her more trouble in his state. She would need to discuss his mood later when they had escaped with Flayn and Monica.

_Monica? Wait, is Flayn not alone?_

_“It appears so. I see a redhead with her. Both are safe.”_

_Monica. Why do I know that name? Why does it fill me with such hatred…_

As they met up with the other half of the lions she was pleased to see Sylvain injured but fully healable. He would be fine to walk out on his own after. Annie helped him forward to this point, anxiously crying for help from her teacher.

“Professor!!! Sylvain got hurt!!!” 

Byleth remained unbothered, knowing that he was supposed to die instead of simply injured as the tiny mage limped forward trying to carry his weight best she could before throwing him against the back wall with a cry. He remained ever nonchalant, chuckling despite the pain he was clearly in. Byleth handwaved that away, sword hand itching for more blood. 

“We can’t pause here. Mercie, patch him up before we get hit with another ambush.” 

As their healer quickly rushed over, Dimitri and Annette looked dumbfounded at her flippant nature for half a second until she proved them right once more, casting a fireball around the pillar where another of the Flame Emperor’s servants lay in wait. The shock on her class's faces as she turned back to them was as thick as the mildewy stench in the air around, unsure what she had done to warrant this. _Are they not all used to my cold nature by this point? Or have I lost my grip on that already?_ Mercedes had already gotten Sylvain back on his feet, so why the fuss? She hid her discomfort, teal hair flipping around before Dimitri rushed ahead to block an attack that would have taken her out with an angry shout. 

_Oh. That explains the worry._

_“Pay attention you fool. If you don’t stop trying to repeat everything that worked before, you will lose sight of the future entirely!!! Perhaps regaining these memories isn’t all that much of a blessing, now is it?”_

She shook her head, frustrated at her own lack of discernment and even more frustrated that Dimitri was once again taking matters into his own hands as she snapped at him, nearly pulling him from his horse when he circled back around, fresh blood splattered on the side of his armor. 

“Dimitri!! Why will you not listen to me!!” 

He looked so hurt at that, pushing back at her shouts frantically. 

“You would have died had I not done so!! Do you really disregard your own life that much Professor??” 

“I know what I’m doing! Have you _ever_ gotten hurt under my care thus far?? Don’t be _STUPID._ ” 

Her voice was breaking as she shook before he flinched away from her words. 

_Shit._

She once again abused the goddess’ powers to back up to where they met up once again, being more gentle to get Sylvain help and erase her yelling at Dimitri, instead putting Dorothea in line to see the mage before she could get caught off guard again. Curse her temper. 

_“Watch yourself. If you abuse my powers for your own selfish gain enough, I will grow very angry. Do you really think covering your true nature will work forever? Do you wish to see a repeat of Ailell before your very eyes, mortal?”_

_As if you have that power right now. I know you don’t._

Sothis went silent. They dispatched the Death Knight with ease, Dimitri rushing him head-on with his gambit for a distraction while Annette and Dorothea pincered him with magic before he gave up. Upset that the Ashen Demon herself had not engaged him, he abandoned his captives without a second thought, but not before stopping to give Dorothea a very knowing glare and calling her a traitor. Both she and the class seemed rather put out by the errant comment, Mercedes stopping on their way out to ask if she was alright while their new classmate just shook her head in confusion.

_What in the goddess’s name was that about?_

As they retreated with a tired but safe Flayn riding safely with Dimitri and Monica able to walk normally, something didn’t feel quite right. But everyone save for Byleth seemed overjoyed that they had found the missing lady so quickly along with another missing student, so she did her best to stuff that feeling down as they slowly filtered out of Jeritza’s room. Exhausted but glad she avoided yet another disaster, Dimitri caught her off guard grabbing her sleeve in passing before she could leave as well. 

“Professor…” His low voice was so gentle, hand retreating as his polite front came back once more. It took a lot for him to speak once more even though they were alone. 

“I am… terribly sorry I spoke back to you earlier.” 

_Oh, sweetheart. If you knew how rude I was just minutes after…_

Byleth waited till he looked at her again before answering, closing the gap between the two just a step as she mustered all the gentleness she could in her tired state. She didn’t wish to admit that his worry brought back so many feelings…

“Have I ever put you in harm's way without having a clear strategy first?” 

He shook his head somberly. 

“No.” 

“Did it end okay?”

He nodded yes. A twinge of guilt at his response, he looked so sad even though this was her fault. _Wait. No wonder I have no recollection of this before. He was not supposed to accompany us._ In her rush to conceal her confusion at her flashbacks not lining up correctly, her gentle hand raised to his cheek unprompted before he could process what she was doing. His beautiful, untouched right eye under her soft thumb, gazing so delicately back at her with all the trust she didn’t deserve. He swallowed hard before continuing, tense with worry. 

“Thank you so much for all you do. It is too much for a beast such as I.” 

“Are you to assume I am not just as flawed as you?” 

Her immediate answer made him shiver, moving to kiss the palm of her hand and hold it against him. Feeling him shake, he chuckled lightly as he spoke again against her calloused skin. 

“Everything ended well tonight. I should let it go. I just… I cannot help but worry when I cannot be near you to keep you safe.” 

His voice faltered, clenching tighter at her tiny hand almost too hard in his worry. His eyes were far away, most likely seeing the faces he could not save as he swallowed hard. She remembered well his nightmares and fears, only dulled by years of safety in their old age. But somehow she remembered his fears being… stronger. More real. 

“You shouldn’t underestimate me, you know. Please trust me, Dimitri.”

“I know it is foolish! But… you are too important to me. I don’t know what I would do if you came to harm due to my inaction.”

As if she couldn’t tell already. Her heart fluttered at his admission, craving everything he would give her. Byleth smiled gently at him holding her hand so tenderly, remembering the sensation well. He always was fond of doing so…

“Professor. Your smile... I can never get enough of it. Please do it more.” 

She smiled even wider at that, a soft laugh escaping her as her eyes lit up at his praise. Craving him desperately, these tiny drops of the man she once loved were enough to keep her going despite how hard it was to hold it together knowing that her time was running short. The stress of trying to keep all these conflicting threads together and not let on to others what was going on was so much, but his kind affections made the effort worth it. He beamed back at her, letting her hand go before dipping down to kiss her once more. 

Softer this time, less frantic. She held him, the familiar taste against his soft lips like coming home. He pushed further into it, encouraged by her response as his brow furrowed, tilting his face to get more of her as he held her gently. A small gasp parted his lips as she dared deepen it, holding him as if he would disappear any second before she whined as he tested out his tongue. A little awkward, but absolutely sincere as they stood there a short while taking each other in before pulling back for breath. 

“I.. I’m sorry Professor I know I do not deserve to-” 

She pulled him back in before he could finish that thought, greedily consuming more of him as if she would die to not fulfill this need in her. How could she chastise his impatience and lack of control when he was also giving her exactly what she wanted with it?

_Gods he is so cute…_

Finally, he grew less anxious and enjoyed the sensation, soft hums escaping him as she ran her fingers through his baby fine hair. It was definitely easier for her to drag him down for kisses now than it was from her memories, the two of them melding together like it was the most natural thing in the world. Sothis remained absent as they stood there a few more minutes, the taste of him lingering even after they parted again. Byleth leaned into his chest, hammering loud with his anxious heart worried that he was going too far. Dimitri’s shaky hand pet her hair, kissing the crown of her head. 

“I know we shouldn’t be doing this but..”

“I feel the same.” 


	3. Favors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some Yurileth in this chapter but it isn't romantic! It's getting spicy send help
> 
> Illustrations by @ouroridae !!!! Look how cool it is please send her lots of love for this 💗

The ceilings echoed around her in the dark with the dripping of mildew water and rats scampering, her feet unsure over the cobblestone below. Perhaps their time rescuing Flayn awoke these memories, but they were fuzzy still, and her memories of a time with Edelgard were hard to grasp at all even so. Echoes of her lingering nightmare reflected in every sound, every chill across her bare stomach. Sweat still stuck to her from sleeping as she rushed down here in search of answers. Whispers ringing through her, making little impression as she walked cautiously through the underbelly of Garreg Mach, sure to evade any prying eyes to dip quickly into the library she somehow knew her way towards. Rifling through the dusty tomes there, she heard Lindhart’s voice somewhere in the back of her mind mumbling… something… about… books. ‘ _Fascinating books the likes of which he had never seen on the surface’_ …. Maybe it was here. 

_Gremlin. What is it. What am I searching for._

_“Oh, NOW you wish me to help. The fire, you dolt. Do not speak to me like that!”_

_The fire… church records. Something went wrong when I was born. What am I._

_"Clearly, a selfish short-sighted idiot. But what do I know."_

Her hands rifled over faded and torn spines. Nothing of note. Out of date tales of the goddess. Ledgers of spending from fifty years ago. Lost in a haze, her dead heart clenched her chest tight as she frantically searched until she was interrupted by a smooth voice from too close behind.

"You stick out like a sore thumb, oh new Professor. I must say I'm terribly curious as to what drives you down to Abyss." 

Byleth jumped, keeping her cool composure as best she could. She knew the young man in makeup before her as she turned, somehow. Perfectly manicured, hip cocked to the side as he sized her up. But how did he know her?

_Purple hair. Yuri. Yuri?_

_“Wait did Dimitri not mention a class underground? How do you know him?”_

_I wish I knew but… his ally knows something about my body._

“Your… ally. Brown hair. Church folk.”

“Right, you mean Aelfric. What do you need with him, upsider?” 

His voice was dark and laden with mistrust that lacked the lighthearted lilt of his greeting just a few moments before as he stepped forward. _Yuri._ She was sure that was his name, nodding quickly as she confirmed she was in the right place at least.

_I know he knows something about why you are here, Sothis. I KNOW it. Rhea will not tell me._

_“I trust you, young one. Flirt with him. I think he will give in to your whims.”_

“I’m not entirely sure. Church records from a fire.. it was a while ago. I’ll make it worth your while!!! Just help me find him. ”

Byleth played up her pout just the tiniest amount, shying back against the bookcase behind her in the low light as she inhaled deeply and met the man’s gaze. She was not very adept at playing cute to get her way and Yuri's unbothered affect gave little away in terms of her little acts efficacy. All she could do was hope that one, he had what she needed to make some progress after her other plans turned up dry and two, that she could convince him to give that up to a stranger.

“Well aren’t you adorable when you’re confused. Our ‘library’ is full of discarded trash that will not give you what you seek, I’m sure. But if you really care to know, I can’t say I would entirely mind letting you in on a few secrets, provided you give me something in return...” 

“What do you know, then?”

His voice dropped an octave, face darkening. 

“I may or may not have insider information on that little kidnapper of yours.”

_Wait. That information is even better than what I initially wanted. This could cut us straight to the point!_

_"You've got him. Look at that glint in his eye! Push him!!"_

Byleth cleared her throat, large eyes painted with all the clueless charm she could muster as she tried to stifle her excitement and desperation. She needed this. _Badly._ She knew the Death Knight was working for _someone_ with an in at the academy, she just didn’t know _who,_ and she knew information of this weight could very well solve all the stress she was trying to prevent herself and Dimitri. There was no time to play games. 

"What did you have in mind to trade for this?" 

His painted eyes dragged up and down her curvy form with a hunger she couldn't understand for far too long, long black eyelashes giving him sensual purpose as he softened. Yuri slid up next to her, brushing his hand along the curve of her hip and hovering a hair's breadth away from her lips. A smirk curled the side of his mouth. 

"Well, pardon my bluntness but I can't say you're anything short of perfection. Care to put that pretty little mouth to use? I promise I won't tell a soul…" 

Contemplating what she knew he was probably insinuating, she worried at her lip while he gently ushered her around the corner away from prying eyes. He stopped her just outside where they could be overseen, darkness shrouding them in the back corner of the musty old piles of tomes. Dimitri couldn't find out something done in the dark Abyss he hadn't explored, right? Byelth tried to calm herself, frantically playing her options over and coming up empty-handed.

_"Well, kid… this is on you. I can't bear to watch."_

_It's. It's for Dimitri. Nothing I haven't done in other worlds, right? Right?_

No answer from Sothis.

“Alright. Just, _promise_ me you'll hold to it.”

Yuri looked flat out surprised, arms crossed in front of him for a few seconds.

“I. Must admit I did not expect you to say yes. But I will honor my offer if you really want this that badly.”

"Just… don't expect too much." 

Steeling herself, she dropped to her knees in front of him when he gently pushed her down. It's not that she found him unattractive by any means but this… this was degradation. What other choice did she have? Her stomach curdled, knowing that in any other universe she might have happily consented to some fun with Yuri but now… it hurt her heart to have to lie to Dimitri to help him. She was in no place to negotiate any other terms, and besides this was somewhat easy a request to fulfill. And he _was_ cute. Swallowing hard, she stifled her worries, worried about touching him too quickly as he undid his belt. Dedication to helping her favorite student, this was for him. It wasn't like he would ever know, but she knew doing so would eat at her for some time regardless. Where was her notorious unaffected ashen demon heart when she needed it??? 

" _Promise_ me this is a fair trade." 

“You should be glad I even offered! Now, what was your name again?”

She felt a shiver run down her core, brow furrowing as he presented his soft junk to her. At the very least, it was as well-manicured downstairs as his head was. He stroked her face gently and waited for her answer, defeated and muted as she crouched slumped over before him.

“Byleth…” 

Barely a whisper, she closed her eyes and wrapped a gentle hand around the flaccid cock, working him up until she could hold her lips around the tip. Tongue swirling around the head, he reacted too readily to her efforts, dick twitching desperately for more. The knowledge came back to her quickly, body remembering what was just right and before long he was rock solid, leaving little room for complaint. This definitely could be way more unpleasant, she decided. He smelled fantastic, all things considered, for her having her nose buried in his crotch, and at his size, he didn’t hurt as much as Dimitri or Cl-. 

**_Claude??_ ** _Since when did-_

She just prayed Dimitri would never find out. Explaining that she betrayed his trust to save his life? She would rather die.

“Well, I’m glad I know who to thank for this amazing head at least, Byleth…”

He stifled a moan, his hand fisting in her hair with a chuckle as he threw his head back, letting her do all the work for now.

"I truly am curious what would make someone like you this desperate, Professor. All for a little information…"

Byleth paused, pumping his drool coated length and answering him as she caught her breath.

“There’s a mole at the school. A dangerous one.”

"Interesting, I’m sure. Doesn’t affect Abyss though. Are you sure you haven't done this before? That noble blonde idiot doesn't seem to have the balls to commit so quickly but holy _shit_ this was worth it…" 

Her heart stopped. How did he know of Dimitri's inclination??? She paused once more, actually looking up at him for the first time since starting. 

“Wait… how did you-”

“He’s not very subtle, and you have to remember I _do_ have my ear in every corner of this school, right? Every bit of gossip makes its way to yours truly in the end.” 

She didn't have the heart to tell him the truth, a whine escaping her as she braced herself to try and ignore the reality of what she was doing as she continued. It wasn't like she could answer anyway with a dick in her mouth. _Just a few minutes…_ Finally, he took matters into his own hands, fed up with waiting and not all too thrilled at the opportunity to be caught with his pants down in the library. _Literally._ Grabbing at her hair, he used her mouth with more force while all she could do was brace against the impact of his thrusts. A short minute later, as tears pricked at her eyes it was over, a pleased groan escaping him as he emptied his seed deep down the back of her mouth. As she coughed off the small amount of pain, Yuri proceeded to flash some scrolls in her face.

"Manifests, as promised. That raider who tried to take down your precious house leaders was hired by some pretty interesting characters. Also, their leader seemed to have a red and white mask from what I could gather, but don't take me at my word on that one." 

She paused, taking them gingerly. A flash as she shook her head free of the image. _Dimitri laughing. He sounded broken. A mask… is it the same one? WHY NOW-_

"How did you get these???"

"Those damn fools tried to run up on _my_ crew near castle Gaspard. The whole area is a huge mess now... Needless to say, it ended badly for them. No need to thank me, this was an even trade since I know you don't have much in the way of funds."

All she could do was nod, unable to wash the taste of salty shame from the back of her throat as the man left, his heels clacking loudly over the floor on his way. At least she could be grateful for his honesty despite how shameful this was.

“If you still need Aelfric later, I _might_ be convinced to track him down.”

At least information of this gravity was worth the humiliation. She could tell in her soul this was far closer to exposing things than any other iteration before, and she knew doing this would prevent much needless suffering.

-

Claude startled her as she made her way back to the surface, the materials Yuri handed off to her clutched closely to her person. He leaned casually against the brick by her room.

"Well now, this truly is an interesting development. I apologize, teach. I was way off my mark but…"

_What does he even mean???_

"I may be convinced to forget all about this _actual_ scandal here if you let me in on a little secret. What say you? Some dirt for dirt?"

"No."

Byleth had decided that was enough mistakes for one day. Seeing him only reminded her of that disturbing flashback she had when she was pleasuring Yuri, and she wasn't sure if she liked what it meant. Did she have another life with Claude as well, before? He looked... different. Broader. Wilder. Hairier. More self-assured, like he had dropped the cover she could tell he was using at the Academy now. Is that why she knew how to see through his act so easily? What else was hiding from her? It was too much to comprehend at the moment as she stomped away towards her room, still angry at what she had been forced to do not minutes prior. Claude rushed in front of her, waving a paper that was previously crumpled but had been smoothed out to hide on his person. 

"Aren't you curious about what I've got here? I guarantee you'll want it. Since I badgered you so badly last tea time, how about I give you this for free if you let me join you in whatever little spy club you’ve got with the Princeling. I would hate for little old Rhea to find out you've been spending time on your knees with a student, wouldn't you?"

_Spy club??? What the fuck?_

Byleth felt bile rise up in her, churlish response doing a terrible job of deterring the Golden Deer's crafty leader. 

_Sly bastard._

"She would be glad to know I've taken to worshipping dutifully. Also, I have no clue what club you are even talking about."

Claude laughed, clearly not fooled at all. A sneer spread across her face, disgusted at how low he was sinking. She shouldn’t be surprised. 

“Perhaps I should just go to lover boy directly.” 

He bent down to her level, waving the crumpled up letter in her face with a lilted whistle. Snatching it roughly before he could protest, she gritted her teeth and stuffed whatever he had found quickly away. 

" _Fine_ . If you cause any, **_any_ **, trouble, I'm pinning this on you." 

"See, I knew I was on to something."

She dared not touch whatever he had pilfered for her just yet, but Claude seemed insistent to speak as she turned tail with her newfound pile of leads in hand towards the library. As soon as they found themselves far from prying ears, a heavy sigh left him as he continued to brag at her.

"Hilda swiped it from the trash. I dare say I had thought he wouldn't be this big of an idiot to leave this lying around, but let’s just forget about my little misunderstanding since I’m the one who jumped to conclusions. Alright, _partner_?"

_"You are doing a terrible job of keeping this under control, you know."_

_He forced my hand!!!!_

“Ah, yes. He is rather… insistent.”

However, despite her hopes for solitude when they got there Dimitri was already studying on his own. Her heart stopped. He was already jealous of the small amount of time she was giving to the other house leaders, and that was _before_ taking into account what she had just done as well. Before she could back up and away, though, he noticed the two of them. A flash of jealousy across his face as his gaze swept over Claude before his calm prince facade came back up. She sighed, pushing down her paranoia and walking over to sit next to him. 

“Hello Dimitri.”

“Oh, spending time with some inter-house relations again? I’m glad.”

Despite his friendly tone, she knew he was anything but glad. Claude sat across from them, chin resting on one elbow in silence for a few minutes as his fingers tapped a rhythm and stared the two of them down. He seemed antsy for her to just give him all she knew, and she wasn't sure where along the line he got the impression that Dimitri was even aware of her plans. She was still worried he could smell her affection for Dimitri despite what he said, but all she could do now was hope that he assumed it was one sided due to him apparently finding out about her secret slip up. There was no way he could understand. Neither of them. The taste of cum clung to her, Yuri’s glib laughter echoing in her head before she was pulled back to Claude ostentatiously clearing his throat. 

“So, you two. What’s the _dealio_ here. Are you gonna talk soon or not?” 

Dimitri looked dumbfounded, having no idea of Byleth’s ulterior motives yet. She panicked. What answer would give them the least amount of worry?

“I… may have found some information implicating those who have infiltrated the school.”

Claude’s eyes held a fire she had never seen before, but Dimitri loudly scoffed next to her in disbelief.

“Now then, was that so hard.”

The blonde blurted out far too loudly next to her as he turned to face her.

“When were you to tell me this, Professor??” 

She hid from his wounded gaze, glancing down at the book that was far safer to open than the scrolls. 

“I just… found it today. Promise.”

_"You aren't half bad at this lying thing, my child. Perhaps you are one of my kin yet..."_

Dimitri seemed to be at least placated by her weak answer, willing himself to relax as he swallowed hard. Her eyes flitted across the table to Claude, now steepling his hands to stare her down like he could reason out the contents of her mind by will alone. Perhaps he only forced his way in here to make her pay for her slip up in Abyss, bit by agonizing bit. 

“And here I thought you were trying to find information on that mystery crest of yours.”

_This fool is four steps behind us. Maybe I'm giving him too much credit._

_“Now now. Don’t discount him yet. He may be of use yet.”_

Byleth cleared her throat, opening and holding the first scroll in front of her face so neither of them could read. 

“You asked, so I’m telling you. There’s a mole at the school. I need to find who. I’m unsure if they are working for the western church or not, though.” 

The conversation died as soon as it started once more, as she was unwilling to talk any more than necessary. More people in the know meant more chance of mistakes. Dimitri went back to his own reading, writing things down from a book that looked faintly like a ledger of some kind. Tension hung thick in the air, growing stronger with each passing second. Claude sat there in silence a bit longer before probing her once more.

“So, our little coalition. Don’t worry about me keeping it on the down-low. I won’t say a peep, not even to Hilda. This is too interesting to ruin before I get in my fun. Perhaps we should meet weekly with info, no?”

Byleth’s eyes crinkled just the slightest, stifling an annoyed sneer. 

“No. This isn’t a silly game. Disaster is coming. _Soon._ I can smell it. Call it a hunch.” 

“Alright, alright. I promise I’ll play fair for now. Don’t worry your pretty little head, Teach. So you're telling me this little kidnapping has a bigger plot at work...”

Byleth just nodded at him over the papers she scoured, teal hair bouncing with it. The leader of the Golden Deer pushed back from the table and swiftly pulled himself to his feet at that. 

“Good to know. I do have other things to attend to, though. Don’t hesitate to fill me in. I’m an excellent problem solver, as I’m sure you know.” 

He clicked his teeth with a wink before patting the table in goodbye and leaving the two behind. As they sat quietly there engrossed in their own studies for a few minutes, Dimitri spoke suddenly. 

“I found out that child’s name amongst the ones we are teaching. It’s not Alexei.”

Her heart dropped. Today truly had been quite a bumpy ride for her, all things considered, and none of it was the _fun_ kind of thrilling either.

“Oh.. hah. I guess I misheard.”

He slammed his fists down on the table, head falling forward to obscure his grimace. 

“I am not stupid! What _else_ are you hiding from me?? Who is Alexei??” 

She tried to soothe him, panicking hard as her hand flew to his arm, gripping tight enough to cut through his rage. It would do neither of them any good to be found out like this, secrecy was still the game. Despite the isolation in the library at this hour, the sound still echoed, and the other staff was too close for these thick walls to provide much assurance. 

  
“Nobody!! _Please_ … just give me a little more time. I will tell you once I figure out more, okay?”

"What was Claude even talking about??"

"He seems to think we are acting suspicious because of what I said earlier and not… _you know_ . The club was _his_ idea."

She shrugged, meeting his pathetic gaze with one of resignation. They knew.

"Fine! _Fine_. I understand. I cannot say I'm not hurt you kept this from me as well though."

He shook like he was going to cry, tenuously held back by being in public and not wishing to embarrass himself any further. Slowly, he sucked in a rough inhale through his nose and willed his shoulders to relax, sitting up and smoothing his hair back in place. She could detect no hint of further upset, for the time being, the ledgers in her hand truly proving interesting. This one name looked familiar, she noted. Keeping a note of it in her head, she set the first ledger down to scan the other parchment quickly. Comings and goings from the Empire. Often, and recently. Large sums of money being transferred between as well… But this person supposedly hailed from the Kingdom. Why did this name stick to her tongue? Dimitri’s eyes kept flitting between his reading and her own, nothing disturbing their peace in the stale library air. Not but the flicker of candlelight lit the two of them and the occasional shift in their chairs. It was far past curfew at this point, but she could not relent until her brain worked out this bit of information.

_“The prince is staring at you.”_

_Stop, I’ll blush._

_“Ugh, you disgust me. I mean he looks suspicious.”_

Finally, Dimitri corrected his posture before leaning in to hover over her. 

“Professor. You keep rereading the same section. Are you _sure_ you are alright? Does… does this have anything to do with what you discovered?”

Barely perceptible, she mumbled with her cheek squished up against her fist. 

“This name…” 

“Pardon?”

Byleth’s mouth stiffened ever so slightly as she thought. 

_Flame Emperor. I should know this. Nightmares. Paintings. A dragon. Uncle… uncle… whose?_

**_Wait. A dragon?_ **

Still, as ever, she continued with a blank face.

“Adrestia… they have conquered many in the past. Brigid… and Faerghus had to fight for their freedom from them ages ago, did they not?” 

Clearing his throat, he folded his arms on the table to rest his head facing her. Her boy looked completely relaxed next to her, just as he always did in her memories. Her dead heart would have fluttered if the ability existed; this was the Dimitri she remembered. Vulnerable, kind, passionate, handsome. His soft voice was mumbled, cute bangs flopped across his face. 

_My boy..._

“Correct. They also unsuccessfully attempted to take Dagda quite some time ago. Why do you ask? You have mentioned you know little of Fódlan’s history due to how Jeralt raised you, I know.”

“Why are you so cute.” 

She bit her lip as she reached a hand to brush through his hair. Softly, a smirk bloomed on Dimitri’s face at her touch and flattery. He spoke low into his folded arms as she continued to play with his soft flaxen mop, scratching at his scalp with a pleased hum rewarding her.

“That’s not an answer, Professor…” 

"I just have a feeling. My nightmares. I don't know what to make of them. It's about the past. The future. Something else. Who knows."

His brow furrowed, barely perceptible as he listened more. 

"I think the goddess is speaking to me."

_“Now that is an understatement, the likes of which I have not heard in quite some time, child!”_

Sothis cackled in her head, seemingly still eavesdropping. At the very least she wasn’t chastising her for flirting any longer.

"So that is the nature of your nightmares. I see." 

As his beautiful eyes fluttered open once more his gaze was harsh, his words low and gravely in his throat as they rumbled through him, Silent resignation. They were both ruined by these cursed things. Both disgusting and selfish and depraved, though he seemed to not believe the full gravity she had brazenly told him. Of course; housing the goddess in your head was such an impossibility she knew he would not believe it without first-hand proof. It seemed so ludicrous it was safe, and she was lucky she was on the money.

"We are both wrecks, aren’t we? What else, though? I feel you are hiding something from me."

She tried telling him no, shaking her head already feeling her pulse race in worry having told him that much knowing he didn't believe it was real. He rose to put his book away, back ramrod straight as he tried finding its place. Byleth’s small feet followed as silently as possible, pulling him back once his selection was placed back in the instructor's only section. They could not stay away from each other for long, it seemed.

“I should be asking why you are reading things kept from students, myself.” 

His gentle hand ran through her hair as he gazed down at her, eyelashes fluttering at his attention. She stayed silent after her weak pushback.

"Byleth…" 

Guilt rose in her as she clenched his jacket, holding him at a slight distance as her eyes ran over the details of the armored uniform she knew so well. As his touch dropped to her chin, he pleaded with her again. 

"Are you being threatened? Is someone watching you? Is that it?" 

Before she could think the words left her.

"Red. Mask. Feathers. They… they. They had a mask."

Byleth had no clue why she felt that was important. She was getting sloppy, having let slip that little secret. Something snapped in him, a flip from worried to incendiary with no warning. This time she had said too much, but only made his fire grow stronger. His fist slammed into the bookcase behind her, forcing her to attention with that same ferocity she had thought was banished for the night while he shook in furious rage. 

"Professor… please. Tell me. Did they have a red and white mask."

His tone was flat, staring right through her as he pinned her against the bookcase.

_Sothis, I beg. He can't know that yet. This clearly is too close to what he seeks. I’m worried he is going to-_

_"Too bad you foolish girl. If you didn't wish our plans to be known, you should have been more prudent!!!"_

“Professor…?”

She gasped, head jerking to meet his gaze. Dimitri was dead serious. Her hand went to cast divine pulse. Denied. 

"Professor? Are they the ones behind this??? Is someone with a red and white mask working with the kidnappers?? Are you unsafe?"

She panicked, not meaning to tell him all that and knowing that the masked person definitely was at fault for what was blamed on the western church. Again she tried to abuse the goddess's power. Again, denied. 

**"TELL ME."**

His voice barked at her as he pinned her in place, more insistent and frantic. Grip shaking on her shoulders, he seemed unaware of how close he was to seriously harming her in his panic. Byleth was well and truly frightened now, never having been on the receiving end of his unrestrained strength. 

“DIMITRI. _It hurts!!!_ It’s not the Western Church!!! Please just trust me, I… ugh. Here. Read this one.” 

Dimitri reaches a nervous hand out to the scroll, eyes flitting from line to line before they widened in horror. His grip loosened on her other shoulder, then fell, forgotten in his shock.

"That's my uncle's name."

_THAT’S WHO IT WAS._

Something snapped in her, gasping as more flashbacks hit her. _Dimitri was angry. VERY. Angry... His eye was gone once more. Uncle, uncle. A fake?_

“Arundel?”

  
  


"How do you know him?”

She blinked fast. “Did he not come to visit you a few months ago?”

_“No, you fool. What are you remembering!!!”_

She shook her head, frustrated, and losing her grasp of what was real and what was flashbacks with the emotional upset.

“No I! Forget me. I am simply tired. Mishearing things. Pay me no mind…”

Dimitri sighed heavily, gathering himself and blinking fast before he collapsed, letting his heavy head thunk forward onto her shoulder. 

“I can tell this is weighing heavily on you as well, Professor… I feel so worthless... like. Like I can't _do_ anything. I can't help, I can't make it better. Just tell me what you wish of me."

"What do _you_ want, Dimitri…? What is the matter?"

He stilled, swallowing hard. The guilt of desiring more than he deserved in his mind must have eaten at him terribly, for all he could do in response is twirl a bit of her long hair around his finger as he caged her in against the wall, lifting his head to shake it unconvincingly. Dimitri looked so utterly, dead tired. Exhausted to his bones, dark circles complimenting his heavy eyelids as he forced himself to continue. 

"I do not know. It just. Hurts. Seeing you at tea with everyone but me, and you came in with Claude today and… I'm… no."

Validating the parts of himself that were lacking, she should have known better than to foster this further. Yet.

_Yet._

"Please. Trust me. Look, we already made it one step closer to the answer, didn't we? Do you want to find who is behind the tragedy? Then _trust me_." 

She threaded her fingers through his. This overwhelming need to fix him. It wasn't whimsy, some passing fleeting thing. No. The need to make sure he was safe, _protected_ . It was a drive so overwhelming it kept her up at night, crept up at the back of her mind every time she paused. The images of him in pain, bloody, dead, suffering beyond measure. Visceral and real, too real to be a figment. **It** **_haunted_ ** **her.** This man she loved so wholly in their previous life, so fully that she would sell her soul to grant him salvation from the torment she knew awaited him. In fact, she was the only one who could. He gave himself wholly, lacking the foresight to see and blissfully oblivious of the danger he was in, yearning entirely for the comfort her support provided him. He was addicted to her, and she, in turn, chased a return to what she previously loved. 

A return to what didn't exist any longer. If only he knew just how far she was going to secure that happy future.

"Am I nothing to you for you to resort to his help?? What can I do?? Please, _please…_ I will do _anything_ to stay in your good graces Byleth _…_ Why do you insist on spending so much time with Claude??? _"_

Her silence must have caused him to panic as he pleaded, fingers digging a bit too deep into the flesh of her arms, shaking with an anxiety she had never seen before. It scared her. It excited her. She was loath to admit to herself, but his desperation gave her a sick sense of joy as well, knowing that he was so needy he broke down at the mere thought of her not being his.

_It was just so flattering..._

"Do you not trust me to stay by you? Dimitri…" 

"No. I need to hear it from you. I promise I will be okay, just. Tell me. I can't... I can’t lose you too…"

Her dead heart sank. It hurt to see him so torn up, but also gave her power in a way that made her knees weak. Without thinking, she grabbed his hand and put it on her breast. 

"Does he get to do this?"

He frowned, going slack at her insistence. Lips pulled thin as he straightened up, taking a listless initiative to grope at her offer, pressing into her flesh further ever so slowly. But he wasn't there. Wasn't enjoying it. It was a gift forced on him, not shared naturally. His eyes glazed over, half-hearted as his eyes stared at nothing in silent resignation.

"I don't know." 

"Stop being selfish."

She knew that was probably too far, but he was getting reckless. She had not anticipated this, and despite doing everything she could to help him it never seemed enough for him. His hand went slack, demeanor deflating immediately.

"Fuck. I didn't. I didn't _mean_ that Dimitri please d-"

"You're right. I will not bother you any longer over how you spend your free time…" 

He went to withdraw his hand before she pulled him back in, pleading silently for him to listen. Waiting for his pathetic gaze to meet her own, she wanted him so badly to understand but knew she couldn't divulge the full truth. 

"I cannot tell you right now, but please trust me. There is more to this than you know." 

He whimpered, not wanting to push the issue as his flimsy confidence died immediately at her biting truth. 

"You deserve better than an insecure idiot like me."

Byleth paused, letting his hand fall from her chest to pull his face to hers. She kissed him deeply, pushing until he warmed up to the contact and returned it. Reluctantly, his body reacted, face tilting for easier access as he whined into her mouth. Tongues gently tangled in each other until time was forgotten to them, and at some point, he had moved closer to massage her sides. As they parted, she gave him another promise she hoped she could keep.

"Just be patient."

"When can you tell me more of this plot?" 

"I do not know. Soon." 

He faltered, collapsing into her shoulder once more. A few moments later, he clenched her tight and nodded into her neck, turning his head to kiss at her pulse.

"As long as you are happy with me. I can wait." His hands kneaded small circles into her back, kissing gently at the warmth by her ear. Byleth arched up into his soft hold, soaking in his comforting familiar scent as his voice rumbled deep through him. Her husband. She would help him, and he trusted her to do so.

“Of course I am, Dimitri.”

“I am sorry... I should not have snapped at you. Perhaps this is a fool’s errand. I have duties to attend to that do not care for my selfish whims of fantasy.”

She held him tight and whispered, soothing him best she could.

“But I am selfish as well.”

Nothing had been truer.


	4. Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh sisters it's horny now
> 
> Also I am operating on the premise that in the canon game, Dimitri's aegusia is from a head injury. There's also more notable differences in this playthrough I'm sure you've seen, like Byleth having far more knowledge than normal, more memories with Sothis as well.

Lance, after Lance, after Lance. Cast aside in a growing pile of splintered wood and fractured dull blades till the sweat on his brow was deemed sufficient enough work to repent for his crimes. Or perhaps he was trying to empty his mind of anything but the ache of exhaustion for once. At least, that was the best she could guess, finding young Dimitri working out in an altogether too tight sleeveless shirt for his delicious lithe frame late the evening before the mock battle. Cursing under his breath with each mistake, furiously shaking his head at nothing. She shouldn’t be here either, but at the behest of a fraught Dedue’s insistence after dinner she ran to the training grounds on her way back to her quarters.

" **Wretched** piece of **sh** _-_ _Professor._ I- I apologize I didn't see you-"

He was startled turning to find someone there, glowering before softening upon realizing it was her walking towards him cautiously. Dimitri wrung his shaky hands in the black leather gloves that cut off mid-forearm, giving her ample time to admire his toned shoulders before answering.

"Are you alright?"

She had thought letting him in on some crucial information would help, but… this was something else. Dimitri remained out of sorts, outwardly manicured just as usual but his brow and mouth held a tension he couldn't hide from her. A sharp inhale from him as he willed his shoulders to relax. She stood holding her arms across her body tight in wait, for what she didn't know. Maybe letting him see those manifests was a mistake. Her heart sunk in her chest seeing him like this.

"I am just anxious. Nothing to worry about." He answered quietly. It was not very convincing.

_“I wonder what troubles him so?”_

Byleth frowned, trying to hide her disappointment at his bold-faced lies again. 

"White lies aren't very polite, you know. Aren't you going to sleep for the mock battle?"

"Ah, yes. I was just about to go. Thank you, Professor." 

Curt, dry, rehearsed. No hint of the warmth he normally held for her in his empty smile. No sparkle in his eye as he ignored what she said previously to stomp away from her. 

-

Swallowing hard, she felt unsettled stepping on the ground as soon as they rounded the bluff. Something. Maybe it was just her imagination, but she distinctly felt rain, heard cries of pain, rage…Something felt too familiar, and as they neared the field where the Battle of The Eagle and Lion was held it only grew in intensity. Byleth shut her eyes, inhaling sharply as she tried to compose herself and center her thoughts on their house winning. 

_"It must be memories from the true battle this mock was named for…"_

_I hope you are right. I pray that you are._

Not long after the whistle had blown, Dimitri was off without her direction. Perhaps he wouldn’t need help. She could only hope, leading Ashe and Dedue to the side with her while Felix and Mercedes trailed behind their leader. They cut down a few of the Golden Deer with ease, Ignatz losing to his distraction and lack of resolve as he engaged their own archer head on. That left him open to her advances, tapping out with a relieved sigh. Lorenz was shortly after, scoffing loudly as he fixed his hair from Dedue’s whirlwind attack throwing him flat on his back. Claude groan of annoyance was muffled by distance from what should have been their hiding place, giving them away. She called to her leader, hoping he had been able to disqualify a few students while she was otherwise occupied, but now she wished to box him in now that she knew were the Deer’s leader lay in wait.

“Dimitri. Over here!” 

No answer, no sight. She scanned the woods closely, catching flashes of something as she inhaled deep before steadying the two students with her. 

“I’ll be back, hang here.” 

They nodded, taking this game as seriously as any of their other outings before she stomped over to where the two reckless idiots had made off to, only to find Mercedes screaming at Dimitri to get off of Felix where they tussled roughly on the ground. Dimitri had abandoned his horse in favor of throwing fists at his friend, for what she didn’t know. Nor did she care.

_“What in the world are they gaining by distracting from their goal for a fight at this time??”_

Sothis’ incredulous scoff exactly echoed her sentiments as well, blood boiling at the scene. Felix hissed and swore, trying to grab at his friends hair and kick him in the gut. Dimitri was relentless before both of them noticed their very upset teacher’s approach.

_Your guess is as good as mine. I’m about ready to beat their asses myself._

“ _ExCUSE ME._ You two. **STOP. NOW.** _Really??_ In the middle of a mock battle, you decide to pop off on some petty squabble and make our class look bad? I don’t care if you are hiding in the cover of trees here. _Surely_ Rhea has taken note of your poor behavior!!” 

Her biting tone cut through the air, quickly making her way over to flip Dimitri flat on his back before stepping on Felix to hold him down. She held the reckless class leader by the collar, nearly choking him as he scrambled to stay put where she held him. All of the fight left him immediately, but his friend still seethed from under her heel. Felix spat at Dimitri, wiping blood from his nose as he answered her. 

“This _beast_ couldn’t take a little friendly-”

“I don’t give a shit. Is this _REALLY_ the time and place to start a fight?” 

She cut Felix off as he spoke, snapping the crude words down at him while she held Dimitri’s collar tight in her furious clutch. Glancing over at Mercie, she willed herself to soften, brow loosening from its intense glare in the hopes she knew something. The healer spoke quickly, knowing time was short for this sort of altercation while the other two classes lay in wait to capitalize. 

“Felix wouldn’t stop bothering him, making snide remarks the whole way here!! I had no clue when he hopped off his horse but all the sudden Dimitri... ah... Well. That’s when you got here.”

Byleth swallowed hard, grip loosening as her disobedient pet student had gone slack while she talked, willing herself to abandon her short-lived rage. She turned to face him, mouth a tight line of frustration. His hands raised, suppliant in front of him in resignation.

“Professor... I am. I’m sorry I do not remember how it started but-” he spoke in a sputter, still looking sickened and annoyed before she cut him off as well.

“Later. Let’s go. _NOW.”_

“Y-yes Professor.”

There was no room for arguing in her strained voice, shoving Dimitri away and pushing herself to her feet against Felix’s ribcage with a pained wheeze below. She threw his sword back at Felix, commanding them with no pause as she began running in the direction she came from.

“ _As_ I was saying. I want you two to strife Claude from behind his barrier on the east side. That is, _if they aren’t gone already._ Who have you gotten so far?” 

Dimitri was back on his panicked horse quickly, catching up before her voice was too far to discern through the open field. 

“Just Ferdinand. I think Edelgard sent him out as a test of limits, but lucky for us he did not see Felix until it was too late.” he answered promptly, dashing what he could of his nerves from two minutes prior. 

A pleased harrumph rang through his friend in response to his triumph over Dimitri while they ran, making it back to the other group lying in wait just in time to hear Ashe cry in frustration. His voice cracked a high wail as he threw his arms up, having gotten run up by Leonie while Byleth was otherwise distracted. 

“Goddess _damn_ it all!” his cute voice rang clear through the valley as he pushed himself up from where he fell. She had let them down, all because of Dimitri’s reckless temper colliding with Felix’s inflammatory bait. 

A beat later, Leonie’s voice carried in a whine as well while they rounded the cluster of bushes to where the other Lions had been waiting for Byleth’s return. 

“What use is this exercise if I have to go up against a literal _mountain_!” 

“You put up a good fight, do not worry.” Dedue boomed a reassurance to their adversary, nearly seeming pleased at her weak insult.

_Damn._

A shot for a shot, Dedue clapping Leonie on the shoulder in good faith as he helped her to her feet. Byleth just glared back at the two troublemakers while Felix rolled his eyes. Dimitri flinched away like a guilty child, scratching the back of his head and hiding his gaze in the saddle in front of him. 

That left just Claude, and she had no earthly clue where he was by now. 

-

They won the mock battle with a narrow edge in terms of students taken out, barely scraping by with Dimitri luckily taking down Hubert last before he could get torn to shreds with his lack of magic resistance. If the Black Eagles had been less cautious, she knew her own students would have easily folded. It was odd, all things considered, for what she knew of Edelgard to hold back at a moment like that. 

_Thank Sothis for her oversight._

_“I didn’t do anything but laugh at that fool of yours.”_

_It sounded like he was goaded into it, I just wonder why..._

While they marched back to Garreg Mach, the tone was somber. Even the students that weren’t present for the short fistfight were quickly filled in. Dimitri remained silent, avoiding her gaze. Felix was unbothered as he stomped quickly along his way as he munched on some snack or another far enough away from the group you could hardly tell he was even with them. Byleth purposefully deterred any levity, curt answers doing little in the way of showing joy at their victory. 

Despite winning, she didn’t feel like eating as they returned finally. Dimitri called them all to have a feast anyway knowing that the rest would feel hungry despite his own bad behavior. She held him back as the rest filtered out on their way to put things away and move the muted festivities to the dining hall. Byleth refused to budge, and as he turned to face her he looked like he was anticipating more violence. 

“I want to punch you myself for that. What the hell _,_ Dimitri.”

Her voice was dead, emotionless as she stared through him with dead eyes. That was the most dangerous mood of all for her. Nothing. He knew as well, feeling a shiver run through him as he tried and failed to meet her gaze multiple times as he mumbled a weak apology. She gripped his arm to force his attention, turning him to face her.

“I’m sorry. He was... He was saying rude things about you.”

“What do you even mean.” 

Dry. Still no encouragement. Dimitri winced, continuing with a slow tilt of his head. His brow crossed, clenching his fists tight at his sides as he spoke.

“He… he said that you were too clouded by emotion to really be the Ashen Demon of legend. Surely you understand that disrespecting someone of your station reflects badly on all of us!! You selflessly guide us, and I cannot say I have not grown a great deal since we have met. As class leader, I simply wished to chastise his impropriety but he only grew more inflammatory at my scolding. To what end, I do not know...”

Byleth felt a twinge of insult at that, mouth tensing as she dropped her hold on him.

_Am I really all that reckless?_

Sothis’ silence spoke volumes.

“I like to believe any reactions I have are justified.” Byleth closed her eyes, mumbling to the ground. 

“That was not my intent!! I took offense to it as well. I find you determined, and trustworthy, and smart and…” Dimitri started up again quickly to soothe the wound the truth incurred, then shook his head at how foolish it sounded. He brought his hands to his face, rubbing the tension away. 

“Words are nothing. I should not have responded to his taunting either way.” 

Byleth clenched her arms tight around her form, frowning at the ground. She didn't wish to hold him down, but this was for his own good. He was getting reckless, and even worse, it was on _her behalf._ This was dangerous. 

_“I told you that encouraging his affections too early was a danger!”_

_You don’t know that. He was always impulsive._

"I want you to take the month off from training with us." 

Dimitri scoffed, rebuffing her request immediately as he stood up straighter.

"Professor! That doesn't seem-"

He didn’t get it. Byleth yanked him down by the collar so he was within range to whisper. The barely concealed rage was easily read in the back of her fiery eyes as she spoke bitterly.

“What?? And have us found out? For speaking back I’m putting you on double duty with Felix. Stables _and_ weeding for you both. This entire month, instead of accompanying us all on outings.”

His mouth dropped. She shoved him away in case anyone happened upon them, speaking normally again.

"Final word. Do not argue."

His face wilted, bowing to her. There was a hint of injury in his tone and posture as he answered.

"My apologies… I understand, Professor." 

-

“I do not know what your intent is dragging me along like this, but I hope my contributions will satisfy whatever silly curiosity you have.” 

Byleth frowned imperceptibly, ignoring Edelgard’s words to command her students as best she could. The two of them rounded out the back as she scrutinized the heiress’s movements behind her. Edelgard cleared her throat as she struck down a thug with no mercy. The cool finality with which she moved should not have unnerved one such as Byleth, well known for her unaffected nature in battle. But there seemed to be a bitter anger under it all, only let loose in perfectly controlled strikes and perfectly chosen words spoken in private. Subtle hints as Edelgard seemed to believe this a waste of time. 

“Pray tell, are you trying to figure something out with this little exercise? It will not work. I cannot trust you so easily.” 

_What is her deal?_

_“I do wonder if she is hiding more than she lets on, with how defensive she is…”_

“If you distrust all of your allies, you will find yourself stuck and alone you know.” Byelth’s voice held no inflection, spotting enemies laying in wait around the corner.

“You sound just like Dimitri.”

She could not tell if that was an insult or compliment. Muting her feelings, she ignored the bait Edelgard dropped to release her whip sword in a furious lash, cutting down two archers in a row and turning just in time to see the fire in those lavender eyes flash for one long second before she caught herself. Raising her gaze to meet Byleth’s, she nodded. That just confused her more.

“What?”

“Don’t hesitate, there is still much work to be done. I apologize if I seem ungrateful, this training is valuable and your command on the battlefield is commendable.” 

It was like Edelgard was reading from a script, eyes concealing her true thoughts as she prattled on, walking with her head held high to meet with the others far ahead. It meant little to the Professor as they ran forward past the slain hazards before them. Sylvain cackled as he finally cut down an armored thug leader across the raised platform above the water, horse protesting at his push across the weak broken bridgeways. Dorothea clapped him on the leg in passing, muting an incoming mage before he had a chance to retaliate. 

“Teacher, you do know that Dorothea plans to return to the Black Eagles, no?”

Byleth did not turn to face her, but felt some amount of contempt at the tone Edelgard carried. Their new ally had mentioned no such thing to her, or Dimitri as far as she knew. The only thing of note had been the odd mention in passing from the Death Knight what seemed like ages ago, but otherwise Dorothea seemed to greatly enjoy her new classmates. She had grown fond of Ingrid and relished in cutting Sylvain’s antics down perhaps a touch too much, though it just made Byleth chuckle to herself in class.

“She has made no such inclination clear to me.” 

A scoff as she rolled her axe bearing shoulder before breaking into a run to make up the short distance between them and the rest of the Lions. Her long flowing hair caught the air behind her as she held her shoulders back, giving an otherworldly presence to the short woman that far outshone her stature. 

“I know her well. She can do greater things for the Empire than for _your_ class.”

Byleth answered, carefree as she greeted Ashe and Annette catching their breath behind the heavy hitters. Edelgard remained unaffected as always. Hopefully the air of levity would discourage their temporary ally from baiting a supposed respected elder any further.

“I will leave it to Dorothea to make her own decisions. Perhaps my teaching style is more to her liking.” 

_Why did she choose to say the Empire instead of the Eagles? What is she trying to get from me? I truly cannot remember much from my time with her and… I’m concerned why that is._

_“This seems more a battle of wits than a discussion, if I am to be honest. Very suspicious indeed.”_

-

_Her nightmare found her suddenly, overwhelming her senses. She stood in the same area she was not hours before, but this was different. There was a certain pained tension in the air, no levity of friendly competition. Just the acrid stench of scorched earth and muffled cries of pain and anger, electricity strikes falling all around her as she screamed for someone to dismount. Red. So much blood... Down came bounding Claude from a beautiful white wyvern; fantastic, self-assured, sassy Claude, apparently wearing some traditional garb as he sniped off a mage laying in wait beyond her. Cocky as always, but a sadness tucked neatly away underneath his bravado._

_"I still don't want to fight him, but boy he did not sound like he was in the place to negotiate…"_

_Hilda screamed from somewhere to the side, a horrid, blood-curdling thing ripping through her soul. Byleth whipped around, unable to place the sound as it echoed everywhere and nowhere. Her feet fell, and there she was, standing before the giant boar. No wait._

**_Man._ **

_Byleth saw the matted blonde hair from the back of their head and knew who the pincushion that was full of arrows and drained of blood would be before she flipped him over._

She woke with a gasp, sure she had just been back to Gronder once more. Shaky, dehydrated, and dizzy, her feet grounded themselves on her cool wooden floor as she held her head tight. 

_I'm not doing enough._ **_I'm not doing enough._ **

_“That was the field your students just sparred at, was it not? The same one your little Prince lost his temper?”_

It had been weeks since she had spent time with Dimitri, his pitiful glances hoping for some recognition in passing doing little to break her down. He needed to learn his lesson if her plan was to work, but it frightened her to no small degree how the intensity of her nightmares didn’t lessen in the least no matter her decisions. So her feet carried her to the sauna, intent on clearing her mind. When she got there, however, her body cut her off far sooner than usual, the limit of tolerance for heat she had seemingly evaporated with the coals. Exhaustion not loosening her worries over the heavy thoughts, she instead moved light-headed to a cold bath. 

_What do you think it means?_

_“I cannot say. Edelgard’s words gave me little assurance, however.”_

_Agreed. I do not wish to jump to conclusions but…_

_“You seem eager to jump that boy regardless. What’s one more oversight!”_

She dunked her head under the water at the biting sarcasm ringing in her ears, the sting of cold cleansing her thoughts as she shook the soap free of her hair. Ignoring the taunts from Sothis had become like second nature, though she took no pride in doing so knowing that the goddess was right. 

_Well. Do tell Sothis. What would you have me do instead?_

_“I cannot say, young one. It may be foolish of me to chastise you so strongly, but I cannot help but worry that something else is wrong.”_

Byleth made her way back to her room clad only in a towel, feeling slightly better as she wrung more droplets from her teal hair. It was a short trek and she was glad for the fresh air on her clean skin, sighing as she shut her door behind her. She stepped over to the desk and picked up the crumpled note wedged under the books she had taken.

_I feel I am missing something bigger outside my scope… I never looked at what Claude gave me, did I?_

_“I cannot stay any longer, child. This is your problem for the night… You exhaust me.”_

As her eyes scanned the mystery letter, her heart dropped. But before she could process it correctly, a knock was heard at her door. Without thought, she cracked it open quite curious who would bother her at this hour. Byleth was greeted by none other than Dimitri, hands held tight behind his back as he stood in pajamas. 

“Professor! I apologize for the inopportune hour but I was wondering whether I could speak to…” 

He trailed off as she dragged him in quickly, shutting the door fast behind him and giving him no room to actually enter as she boxed him in. It would do no good to be found out. Swallowing hard, he noticed her state of undress in a simple wrapped towel and tried to hide his gaze anywhere but on her as he cleared his throat. 

“I- goddess I’m sorry I can return later-”

"Do you know what this is???”

He finally quit avoiding facing her to see what she was talking about. Dimitri’s face pales as his shoulders deflated. After a few moments of silence Byleth slammed his shoulder into the door, knocking the wind from his lungs in a frantic move to force his attention more. She should not have been as upset as she was, but things were tense as it was without him making it worse with his impulsive, childish whims.

“Claude almost found out!! I had to play dumb, pretend it was a one-sided boyish crush!"

She threw the letter at him as he scrambled to grab it, hands already shaking as he looked back up at her. It took a concerted effort for him to not keep glancing at her barely concealed cleavage and bare shoulders as he flushed immediately. Probably both in part from embarrassment and shame. 

"I-I- I-"

He looked scared, humiliated as he stuttered incoherently. He was hyperventilating by this point, frozen in place as her iron grip twisted at his shoulder. It had to hurt, but she was so angry and scared that she lost the ability to care. This could ruin everything.

"A marriage announcement??? Really??? _Answer me_ , Dimitri." 

His voice was tiny and broken. 

"I'm sorry, it was just a silly jok-"

She cut him off with more biting rage.

"All we did was kiss and you can't control yourself enough to not write up this embarrassing crap! I'm. I'm trying to help you! Is that not good enough??? Is this why Hilda was acting weird?"

Dimitri scoffed loudly at that, shrugging his shoulder free of her rough hold and rolling his eyes. She could tell the cover was flimsy, try as he might to look unaffected now.

"If you care to know, she took it from the _garbage._ Where I _intended_ it to go. If you don't wish to be with me, you have an odd way of showing it." 

"Of course I want you, but this is dangerous. Stop it, _now._ Your little temper tantrum during the mock battle made me look so _stupid_ in front of everyone. What is wrong with you??"

He starts to cry silently, not bowing to her but batting away the sting with frequent blinking as he swallowed hard. After a long, painful silence, Dimitri wiped his face with his forearm and continued.

"What would make you happy? Please I… I came here to apologize, but it seems I can do nothing but worsen things for you." 

Dimitri lifts a weak hand between them as he stares at the wall. A bouquet of flowers; his apology she had stomped all over with her careless words. Byleth wilted at that. She had only exploded because she was worried they would be torn apart by Hilda’s discovery, and now realized that he hadn’t written the note in earnest, but as a silly teenage fawning. It was too late to take it back now, though. The two students already knew, and even though Claude had promised to keep a lid on it she knew that promise was shaky at best. Dependent upon her performance in their ‘club’ he had forced his way into. 

“Byleth… truly. You do mean a great deal to me. I can't live with you ignoring me any longer.” 

As soon as the flowers were passed to her hands, Dimitri fell to his knees with a thud, seemingly exhausted by the confrontation. White orchids and blue hyacinths, too delicately arranged to have been by his hand. It resembled their class colors, long strong stems bound tightly in a silk wrapping. Her dead heart clenched tight in her chest. A pause, second-guessing her reckless and selfish behavior with him before she wrenched her eyes shut as tight as she could. It couldn't stop the guilt from creeping through.

“Dedue told me these were meant for earnest apologies. He tried to ask why, and I just told him it was for the fight with Felix…”

“Perhaps I should be the one apologizing. Claude is happy for now to believe it is a one-sided crush, but… I. I don’t know.” Her voice softened, feeling extremely relieved that Sothis had elected to sleep for the time being. Byleth sighed, shaking her head and dragging him back to his feet to sit him on her bed for a proper talk while delicately setting down his gift. Dimitri let himself be dragged over, confused but not fighting her any longer. 

“I treasure you too greatly to take more than you wish. Byleth...” Her name was reverent on his tongue, eyes heavy while he spoke. As he sat there wringing his gloved hands with a distinct squeak, careful not to touch her as she was still clad in nothing but a loosely tied towel complimenting her damp hair, she couldn’t help but notice that his resolve faltered more and more as he caught glances at the high reveal of her bare legs from the towel splitting where she sat. 

“If you feel it prudent to wait, then I shall wait.” 

But she didn’t want that, and she could tell he wasn't being honest with himself either.

“Dimitri it’s fine. Really.” Turning towards him, she ran her hands through his hair before holding his face. He made no effort to lean in, eyes firmly glued to where she was nearly exposing herself with her upper thigh as he froze in place. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. 

Nodding down, he spoke low. 

“Your, um. You aren’t properly dressed. I didn’t wish to-”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry I got mad over a mistake. We just need to be careful, that’s all.” 

Again she repeated it, but he didn’t seem to hear. So she moved to sit on his lap, a gentle tug away from completely baring herself to him as she gazed up and down his form. Tentatively, his nervous hands supported her but made no moves to push anything further. Nerves got the best of him as he glanced over at his flowers placed on the bedside table as he willed his shoulders to relax. 

“I do not wish to… um. That is. I like you, a lot. I really do but I… I’m. I still feel bad for earlier is all...” 

Words escaped him as he tensed up again, blinking fast with the whiplash. As if his feelings were ever in question. How could she explain herself, though? Not two minutes ago she had been screaming at him and now she was forcing herself on him. She caught his honest gaze after a short while, heavily laden with an adorable sort of worry in his expressive light blue eyes. 

“Trust me.”

She could tell he wanted to, but something in him was holding back as his hands gripped at her sides, trying to shake his head to banish the embarrassing blush that was burning all the way up to his ears. Byleth pushed herself closer, biting her lip and trying to pull him in for a kiss. After a few bated moments, he relented to her whims. Meeting her lips finally, he pressed a chaste kiss to her own. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, loosening the towel as she kissed him back harder. His exhale was hot against her mouth before he returned her affections once more, careful not to touch her more than necessary as they kissed before the towel started to slack in his hands. She felt his heartbeat pounding like mad in his chest, only making her more desperate before he pulled back to see she had shifted her flimsy cover nearly free. Dimitri’s hand flew to his face, clearing his throat as he tried to push her away. 

“See, I told you I do not wish to ruin your-” 

Byleth grabbed at the towel loosely, leaning back as she straddled him.

“My what. Do you not want this?” 

He couldn’t very well say no, not with his entire body giving him away head to toe. He cleared his throat conspicuously but stayed silent. 

“You mean to tell me you haven’t been fantasizing about this for months, then? Have you never done anything like this before?”

She knew the answer before Dimitri spoke, blinking hard and shaking his head. 

“You… you were the first person I ever wanted to kiss at all. Much less… well. I.. I haven’t. That is. I-” 

Byleth was soaking it all in, as seeing him less assured may not be the smartest idea but it was nothing if not absolutely endearing to see him unravel at the thought of even seeing the object of his affections nude. He leaned back entirely, propped up on his elbows as he stared up at her. Though he made no move to leave, he did little to encourage her either, and she could tell just the sight of her legs and bare shoulders had excited him enough. 

“You know, Dimitri. I might forget I was ever upset with you if you do me a favor.” 

As soon as her offer passed her lips, she slowly unfolded the tucked in corner of towel holding fast across her chest, slowly peeling herself free as she kept uninterrupted eye contact with him barely able to process what he was seeing. Now straddling her student entirely naked as he couldn’t find a single inch of skin to linger on for too long as his chest heaved. 

“Byleth I… you’re beautiful.” 

He sat there for far too long, eyes hazy with need as he worried at his bottom lip and clenched his fists tight. Byleth relaxed, sitting back in his lap with her legs folded on either side, pinning him in place. 

“What favor. I… well. I have no knowledge in this area so I…” 

He kept swallowing before gawking some more, finally settling on mapping the finer details of the curve of her heavy bust. She grabbed his hand and once more pressed it to her chest, the touch of his bare skin on her own filling that gap in her soul perfectly made for him. Barely noting that he was still wearing those sweaty gloves for some unknown reason, she steadied herself and let him explore at his own pace as he gently swiped over a hardened pink nipple before gently squeezing at the soft mound presented to him. 

“It’s alright. I can teach you, as usual.” 

That quip seemed to settle his nerves a touch, a light chuckle leaving him as he sat up to get more room before his other hand moved to her chest as well, squeezing them together as he kept his eyes locked on them in awe. 

“Yes, you are rather good at that aren’t you. Truly, I am sorry that Hilda found that. I’m still humiliated.” 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you for it. I just. Panicked. I do not know what would happen if anyone knew.” she answered him quickly, truly not meaning to break him down any further than she had to to make sure her plan stayed safe. Byleth hummed at his touch, eyes closing as she let him have his way, hands resting on his hips while he started to roll her nipples between his fingers gently. Testing her reaction, he pushed further as he did so, feeling the squish between his large fingers before he buried his face in her chest with a whine. 

“You’re right. I have wanted to do this, though I don’t know where to go from here… It doesn't seem real.” 

His voice was muffled against her warm skin. Byleth ran a hand through his hair, encouraging him before she put her weight behind pulling him down on top of her, grabbing his face to hers once more. 

“Just kiss me.” 

That he could do, tongue flying wild as soon as he was able and hands gently tracing everything he could get them on. They stayed like that for a short while, drunk on each other and sloppy as his excitement got the best of him in biting too hard at her lip and gasping against her lips. Still endlessly fascinated by her, she could see the admiration in every pore of his face as he broke for air before he dipped down to nip at her neck with a groan. Byleth felt that painful familiar ache of need, whining as she held him in place to breathe in his essence. It soothed her, making all the pressure of her current predicament a world away as he was careful to not mark or push her too hard. Ever the gentleman, even when presented with the opportunity but she could tell that holding back was hard for him. He shifted further over her, still cautious and gentle as he leaned down to latch on to a breast, his face lost in heaven he never thought he could ever deserve. Lathing over his roughly bitten handiwork, he switched sides, continuing to palm desperately at her chest. A whine left her at that, hand running through his hair before she arched her back into him and tried to push him down further. He didn’t fight her but scooted down with a confused look across his face as he could only guess what she was requesting. 

“You... Are you sure?” his voice was a choked squeak. 

“You want to make me happy, right?” Byleth ran a hand over her chest, pushing her cleavage together as she pouted at him. 

"If it makes you as happy as you make me, then yes." 

He answered immediately, blushing hard as he ran his hands over her soft legs. Dimitri cleared his throat, nodding his head a silent affirmation to himself as his hand gently ran down her center over the coarse hairs at her sex. Legs spread eagerly as she was so painfully desperate for any morsel of her husband that she could get, that pushing him further than he would have gone organically wasn't even a concern to her. Perhaps thinking that relaxing in his hold would soothe the unsettling anxiety that haunted her every moment. Byleth was already painfully worked up before she had even dropped her towel, by now the thrum of desire echoing hard through her cunt as Dimitri took in the sight. Shaky, his hot breath on her core before tentatively licking at the folds nearly made her lose it on the spot as he held her firmly, hands on her hips trying to not lose his composure and failing horribly. He moaned into her, brow furrowing as his tongue delved as deep as the position would allow before he growled deep in his chest. 

"You taste so good…" 

She paused. 

_Taste…_

"Wait what did you say?" 

He pulled away with a trail of spit and cum connecting his chin and her core, bangs messy as he licked at his lips. 

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

Byleth blinked quickly, pulled out of the moment enough to pause, holding him away from her as she stared at nothing. Did he always have a sense of taste? She blushed, hiding her face in her forearm to cover the fear, hoping he would write it off as shyness.

"No, I'm just. Curious what it's like." 

He spoke close at the apex of her thighs, swallowing again. 

"It's. Tangy. Sweet…" he cut himself off, not content describing it any longer as his mouth was on her once more. "Musky…" 

She had flashes of other memories that she knew didn’t line up, trying to keep him occupied while she cradled his head close to her, gently tracing the small of his neck for that familiar scar he had behind his… ear… that scar that had rendered his taste permanently muted when he was attacked in Duscur.

It wasn't there. 


	5. Pity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh... woof. This is a long ass chapter. I'm finally starting to set up some of these long game clues owo god Dimitri is. A mess.

"After your house leaders unbecoming behavior at the mock battle and now  _ this _ , I must say I am a bit beyond concerned with how well suited you are to this task." 

Scolded by Seteth, Byleth did her best to remain taciturn in the face of backlash. She stood tall and respectful as possible, a skill tempered over years of not having much emotion to speak of, nor any good reason to express such. She chose her words carefully, hands clasped in front of her in a hollow imitation of penance. 

"Truthfully, I do not know what you expect. I am simply his mentor, correct?" 

Seteth flashed a barely concealed glare at her for her comeback, sorting through papers on his desk. A pile of missives, tapped to order with a very pointed disdain. 

"Yes well. I'm sure holding hands with his teacher is a useful lesson plan then. I wonder what Rhea sees in you."

Now that stung. She had not been " _ holding his hand" _ she was talking to him and he changed his mind and grabbed her to add one last thing before parting. A minor slip for how intimate they were behind closed doors, but if Seteth knew just what else they were up to, he would perish on the spot. Perhaps she should count her blessings that this was a flub she could talk her way out of. Byleth began to protest before Flayn bounded in, handing a paper to her "brother" to sign with a giddy air. 

"Rhea said yes! All we need now is your approval, brother dearest."

Byleth smiled gently at Flayn, glad for the break in tension.

"Oh! Hello Professor, I apologize I did not see you there. I am starting classes soon! Isn't that exciting! I do hope you will be kind to me if ever our paths cross, as I am joining Claude’s class soon."

_ "Claude? Wait." _

_ This is all wrong. Flayn was with  _ **_us_ ** _. I  _ **_remember._ ** _ She was there!! At least… at least with Dimitri… _

_ "Do you remember something?" _

_ She. She was in pain. We were attacking Garreg Mach. What… is this… _

"Ah, yes. Of course. Any reason for the choice?" Byleth’s flat voice asked.

Flayn’s bright smile lit up, clasping her hands in front of her. Byleth blinked away the memory of the blood covered girl with green twintails crying over a human her mind couldn't shape, trying to focus on the current conversation instead. It was foolish to focus on that which might not be a problem at all, for it wasn't as if she could actually remember the distinct details of any of her past memories, nor pin where they belonged. She had no right to be angry at a choice that wasn't hers or an image she couldn't place.

"Well, yes, you see. After I was rescued, I have been giving it some thought, and I feel that interacting with the other youths would give me an opportunity to find ways to protect myself from now on." Flayn nodded. 

Seteth sighed, relinquishing the paper back to the tiny girl.

"I reluctantly agreed, though I cannot say I am not anxious at the prospect of you seeing battle in any manner. Though she assures me she will just be there as a supporting role…"

"Brother! Please! Do not belittle my efforts! I am sure the Golden Deer will prove to be wonderful allies." She snatched the paper away from him, jaw set firm as she nodded to Byleth. "Good day Professor."

As she left, Flayn's cries of agony rang in Byleth's soul from somewhere beyond this time, head aching from the stress of pulling this thread back as she realized something else was awry. It took all of her effort to not tip Seteth off. Considering these intrusive memories wouldn't stop appearing even in her waking hours now, Byleth worried she may be following this rabbithole too far down. She waved goodbye to the young lady as she hoped Seteth wasn't paying close attention. 

_ Why was I attacking the monastery!!?? _

Seteth turned back to her after Flayn's departure, arms crossing as he stepped closer. Byleth spoke somberly, realizing he would not drop the issue just yet.

"If it helps, I have reason to suspect the people involved in Flayn's kidnapping are more involved than we know."

"What could you possibly know that our dedicated Knights won't find?!"

Immediately he bit back, his exasperated anger barely held at bay to prevent eavesdropping. He stepped closer, glaring down at what he saw as Rhea's errant mistake. But something in him softened at the proximity, confusion flashing across his face ever so subtly before it was concealed. Byleth felt a buzz in the air, a vibration between them she couldn't quite understand either. He had trusted her at one point, whether future, past, nowhere, everywhere. She couldn't say, but somehow knew he felt the same. 

"I think it best you leave these matters to the Knights,  _ Professor,  _ and perhaps focus on your own class instead of fanciful games of deception and espionage. If that is what all of this is about, I had thought you above childish games of this sort. I must say I am disappointed." 

A righteous flame rose in those serious green eyes of his, jaw set tight as she dared invoke Flayn to sway his feelings on the matter.

_ "Get him off your back. Quickly."  _

"Look, Seteth. If I am right, you owe me." she said.

"Rhea  _ will _ hear of this." Immediate, his scolding continued. A warning. 

"No!! Please, I'm sorry. I promise I  _ am _ trying!!" 

Seteth sighed heavily, turning his back to her.

"I do not know why, but I cannot find it in myself to hate you. Baffling, truly, with how you have been acting. I give you two weeks.”

Byleth excused herself with a wide bow and mumbled apology. Dimitri was waiting outside Seteth's door, withdrawn as he joined her down the hallway towards another weekly meeting with Claude. Thus far she had avoided letting slip any more information to either of their 'club', but knew eventually that game would run its course. The heir to the Alliance was a shrewd man, and Dimitri was far more emotionally perceptive than he let on; she couldn’t hide from them forever. Turning the corner, he scanned for any prying eyes before whispering low to her, serious gaze painted in prisms of color from the stained glass next to them.

"If I am old enough to kill for the church, should it not stand to reason that I'm also old enough to decide for myself if I wish to take a lover? Why are we hiding away in shame, Professor?"

_ Lover. _

_ "Well, is that not technically true at this point?"  _

Byleth cursed to herself at Sothis’ haughty confirmation, dread dripping through her with each passing second. It was the first time he had said so out loud, and despite how happy she had hoped the words would make her feel, it frightened her. He pushed further, forcing her attention. 

"Are you worried what they will do if they find out? Are there protocols against this?"

The words tumbled from her before she could catch them.

"I don't know, Dimitri!! This hasn't happened before!" 

"Before what?" he cracked.

She froze. His hand grasped her, begging for answers. 

"Before  _ what _ , Professor?? Do not hide from me, I grow tired of these games."

Byleth mumbled to the ground between them, not wanting to hurt him but upset that he didn’t trust her. All of this was for him, and even so she had none to blame but Sothis for goading her on.

"Seteth... sounded a touch beyond concerned at the thought of anything between us. All you did was grab my hand and he flew in after you left to drag me to his office…" 

_ There. A decent cover. _

_ "He doesn't seem convinced. Neither did Seteth." _

Dimitri scoffed, loosening his grip and turning away. 

"You say this is all to help me or some such nonsense, but I truly cannot understand you at times."

Panic washed even further over her, not understanding how he couldn't trust her judgement. He fell so quickly for her in her memories, but now he just sounded let down that he had allowed himself to get close to her at all. 

_ Sothis, what do I do? I can't lose him! _

Her headmate sounded just as arrogant as before. 

_ “I did warn you about pushing him too far at this time, young one.”  _

"What do you want from me? I told you to be patient! In a few months, I will have figured out whatever is going wrong, and you will graduate safely.” 

Byleth kept her voice to a hushed intensity, but her eyes were full of genuine need. She broke his shaky grip to press a reassuring hand to his chest. He was warm. Here. Real. A reminder that her goal to prevent his suffering was still in reach despite temporary setbacks.

"Safe. Perhaps you are right to be cautious, seeing how fragile our situation is." Dimitri banished his anxiety with a flick of his hand, walking away with a well-practiced poise. "We best prepare for our mission in Remire Village after we have finished with Claude. Shall we go?"

She was truthfully more worried about a worse outcome than their affair being discovered, but the poor boy was burdened enough as it is. He put on that same false smile she had come to dread once more to meet with their friend and feed him more placation.

-

Byleth was shocked to attention by the scene before her in Remire. Time was getting away from her, and the figure now before her could hardly be called a man, much less her beloved. No, this was nothing but a feral creature born of raw instinct, tearing and screaming his way through helpless villagers and burning monsters alike with a ferocity that frightened everyone within ten feet of him. She remembered this from her dreams more as a case of deja vu than concrete memory, a messy splatter of screaming and blood across her jarring flashbacks. Anyone close enough to hear the ragged muttering under Dimitri’s breath about penitence and justice shied away, none having the fortitude to stop him as his furious Lance fell on body after body. 

_ …"Sever their limbs, and crush their wicked skulls!!!"... _

What did she know of Justice, of correctness or any such thing, to condemn him this fury? Byleth herself was a ship thrown about by the whimsy of a foolish Goddess, following her base impulse hoping for any positive change. The men responsible for this virus cared not for consequence, cared not for the lives destroyed, and for what? What did it even mean for her to chase some perfect end with her precious Beloved if she couldn't even prevent this? Bloody and broken with a horrid ragged cry of agony, she could hardly reconcile her memories with the Dimitri now facing her, but knew it was true. This pain was too familiar to be new. Another failed fix. It was so difficult to think with the chaos around, and even so.

_ “It is not too late to help him, little one. Do not despair…” _

_ What am I supposed to think then?? He is falling down the same path that hurt him before! At this rate, the war will still happen just as planned and I will be none the wiser to- _

She choked, stumbling into a crumbled bit of stone wall. 

_ The war. _

Annette was at her side quickly, trying with her tiny body to help the other woman up and nearly falling over.

"Professor!!! What's wrong!?"

Her voice was high and frantic, unused to seeing their bold leader stumble so. She remembered all the pain of a poor child watching his father lose his head in a lake of fire, the cries in his fractured brain surely echoing the current insanity around them. A wash of heat bellowed around them as she flinched from it's harsh reality, too lost in thought to hold steady. 

“Go stick with Sylvain and Felix. NOW!” 

Pushing Annette away, she ran forward to try and pull Dimitri free of the infected man he was currently holding at bay one house away. The frenzy was palpable in his face, so lost to it he hardly reacted to the man crushed under his heel before falling back into the dirt. Byleth's gaze flashed forward to the grotesque man that was once their librarian, righteous fury rising deep in her. 

_ Tomas… the western church. He isn't the only mole.  _

The melting of time as a concept should not have shocked her as it did, but holding on to the  _ now _ and the  _ here _ was proving more difficult with each epiphany. 

_ "My poor child. Are you now just understanding the flexibility you possess? I do believe you have better luck with emotional recollection than rational. Why not use that to your advantage?"  _

Sothis made such a surprising amount of sense it angered her, but she could hardly express as much with her headache raging as strong as the fires around. The air shifted around her, framing just slightly askew from her old memories. Where it flows from she knows not. 

_ I can't. I'm not strong enough. _

Dimitri’s face dropped, all the tension of fear flushing away in an instant as he noticed her. Scrambling to his feet, he shook her for answers as her eyes were locked on Tomas. 

“Please! Talk to me! Is something wrong, Professor?” 

"That man is vile, we have to kill him now!" she spoke with steady reassurance. 

Dimitri looked worried, at least pulled from his animalistic drive at her distress. He refused to let go, the whiplash of his cruelty versus this gentle creature now soothing her threatening to loosen the flood even further. This was always how he was, sacrificing his own needs the second someone else was in pain. Giving up his own ideals and desires if it meant helping another. Byleth pushed him away.

"He isn’t working alone."

_ "Destroy him. Stop this before it gets worse." _

_ Sothis, I can't. What if he can lead us to them? _

Dimitri looked utterly confused, jumping at every little sound as her students slowly worked to help what villagers weren’t beyond salvation. She spoke again, more assured than ever that  _ that man _ was here.

"The Death Knight."

A short distance away there he stood, imposing as ever. She was right for once, and feeling the glee of having her suspicions realized she ran without thought for if her student followed. Byleth tried to speak again, telling him that they might be able to take him to the church for questioning before she was cut off. 

“He knows who-”

Dimitri was on him, and she was too late. A haunted howl rang through the air, Dimitri’s lance running him through his helmet in a perfect strike before either of them could think. As she glanced down at the man she somehow felt shouldn’t have fallen, a crow landed near the broken helm. Life was quick to take over, reclaiming what was doomed to the earth once more. Byleth could only assume Dimitri avoided her on the trip back out of shame, and left him alone as a gloomy shell of himself to sulk. She absently worried at the small pocket holding a replacement button sewn into the lining of her cloak, perfectly fitting her tiny hands over years of wear. A talisman for when her anxieties grew too heavy to bear. 

-

Byleth knocked gently, though it was apparent what was going on inside Dimitri’s room as she approached late that night.

“Go away.”

She knocked again. A weak voice squeaked out a pathetic placation.

“I’m sick.” 

Another beat goes by. He whimpers back. 

“Who is it.”

“I brought you some tea.” she answered.

Some light shuffling with no answer. She was ready to retreat when the lock clicked open, and as he cracked the door open she saw he was still fully dressed, eyes red and avoiding her gaze. He went to grab the tea and shut the door once more but she kept her hold on the pot firm, waiting with a stern look till he met her gaze. He was a mess, the bitterness at being confronted with his humiliation painted in a pained sneer. Her dead heart clenched in her chest.

“What do you want.” 

“Let me in for a bit. You don’t have to say anything.” she replied.

Eventually he rolled his teary eyes, shut them tight, and relented, dropping his hold and stepping aside for her. Dimitri can never deny her, after all, not even at his most miserable. He shut the door firmly, locking it in place behind her and letting his head fall with a thud into the wood while Byleth set down the tea on his desk. It was a great deal messier than last she had seen his quarters, and the few broken things scattered in the far corner were of slight concern, but she was only worried for him. She turned to face him as he retreated from the entry, unclipping his cape and throwing it as hard as one could a loose lump of fabric into his open closet behind the door. 

“I can’t believe I humiliated myself like that. In front of  _ everyone. _ .. I don’t even know what came over me until it was over and-and…”

He crumpled over on the bed, sheets tangled and pillows strewn everywhere, holding himself tight despite still wearing his full armor. Caked on blood and mud flaked off in small chunks from the bottom of his boots over the edge of the bed frame and onto the floor. Byleth stepped closer, gently coaxing with her voice soft.

“Let’s get you more comfortable at least. Alright?” 

He didn’t answer, didn’t move past nodding his head and hiding behind his arms. With how dead still he was, she could have thought him asleep had he not been quivering as his hands held tight at the back of his head. Tightly wound like a bowstring, every muscle cramped as he tried to focus his energy, fists balling then flexing his fingers as he inhaled roughly. Byleth sat next to him, reaching for his boots until he went lax at the touch, legs moving however she liked while he kept his face covered. She could see his face was wet again, redder than before as he steeled himself with his back turned. He didn’t fight her as she struggled to get his dirty armor off his legs, all his frantic rage from a few hours prior exhausted entirely. He mumbled weakly when she finally got them free, curling back in on himself like a frightened child. 

“I’m... sorry. You’re probably disgusted with me now.” 

“Worried. The word is worried.” 

He snorted. She was scared that she would do more harm than good with any misplaced word or tone, holding fast to not responding. The sour mood wasn’t about her, she reminded herself silently. 

“What. Worried that I’ll snap at you like that. Like a monster.” He spoke with a resigned sarcasm.

He was numb, limp as she went to grab his arm next. Dimitri still hid his face as she fiddled with his forearm to figure out where the latches were before he suddenly realized what she was doing, snapping away from her hold roughly to hold his hands tight to his chest instead. She flinched at the unexpected jerking, but let him go still cautious of overstepping. A few heavy seconds passed as his breaths ran ragged before he stilled once again, speaking in complete monotone.

“You know of the Tragedy of Duscur, Professor?” 

It took her a second to process his words before answering. “Yes.” At least she remembered this much from her stolen memories, as it was the same no matter the class she chose. Or at least, she thought she did.

“I... I watched my father burn to a crisp, a slow agonizing death while he screamed for help. I couldn’t do anything. I tried and...” 

He slowly removed his glove before sticking his hand up for her, shaking still. She realized his tremors this entire time weren’t from nervousness but damage. Shiny, rough skin stretched tight even above where his sleeve had fallen down, blotchy red and paled white in patches. 

_ Was this? Always a problem?  _

“I’m sorry it’s gruesome. I can barely feel anything.” 

“No! No. There’s nothing wrong.” 

She told herself as much as him, worried over this new information as she racked her brain for any forgotten threads and feeling herself coming up dry. Grasping his hand gently, she kissed the back of it. 

“They… they hit him… before they could behead him his clothes were alight, and the sounds he made...” his voice broke. “He told me to find who did it. Told me to avenge him. That’s the only reason I came to the Officer’s Academy.”

He paused, letting her hold his hand delicately. It didn’t seem to hurt him much, at least. 

“I had reason to suspect my Uncle was behind it, but. My  _ other _ uncle. My father’s brother.” 

“-As opposed to?”

“Arundel.” 

_Oh. That’s right._ _Those damn papers from Yuri._

Byleth choked at that, letting go of his hand. He removed the other gauntlet, throwing them roughly against the wall with a loud clatter, sitting there crumpled in a tiny corner of his bed. Her touch fell to his back. They sat in silence for a short while as she rubbed circles between his shoulder blades. Eventually, his breath grew more steady and he rubbed his face of any trace of shame to sit up at the edge of the bed. 

“Rufus made it apparent in no uncertain terms that he would have killed me for my station if he had the chance. One time he did try. So, I guess that’s why I thought...” 

Playing back stories long rehearsed for her, just to rip the bandage off swiftly since he could no longer hide his shame. It just pained her to hear, leaning in and trying to read his mood. No wonder he snapped when she cut right through his years of research into solving this mystery without even trying.

“We don’t have to continue if you don’t wish to. This was what I feel I was chosen to figure out, so I…” she winced, dropping her hold and putting her head in her hands. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you would be happy to have answers.” 

Dimitri grew more animated, moving to pull her hands back from her face. 

“No! Don’t blame yourself. This is my burden to bear. I truly am glad you care enough to try.” 

Byleth felt like crying, stifling the urge as she nodded assent to his words before he moved to kiss her forehead. 

“I am truly sorry I lost my temper. I can never quite tell how or why it happens, but… Felix was right about my true nature. You deserve better than someone without a future.” 

“Don’t say that.” she answered quickly.

He could not have been more wrong, unknowing of how selfish Byleth truly was by now. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, it’s that she was growing just as impulsive as he. It was just so difficult to hold back when he was here, so willing and passionate and kind and- 

“May I?” 

Cradling her face, he begged her permission, earnest blue eyes unsure of which part of her face he wanted to admire most. Byleth leaned in, gently pressing a kiss to his lips in answer. He was always so warm, so gentle in this space, responding immediately to hold her more firmly as his fingers wove through her hair. If he wished to distract from the pain like this, she wouldn’t complain. She hummed, holding herself steady and letting him lead as they grew more intense, falling backwards on his bed. Hiding his face in her neck, he gently lathed wet kisses up and down her pulse point. So warm and needy, he kissed any skin he could get to before pulling back to look at her with a weak chuckle. 

“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t get carried away.” 

Byleth shook her head no, shifting further next to him before dragging him along. 

“It’s okay. You won’t hurt me, Dimitri.” 

He looked like he might cry once more at her gentleness, jumping her to stop that thought up with more sloppy kisses. Devouring all he could, the intensity of his need set her on fire as he finally grew comfortable enough to truly take control. Pressed up against her, one hand slowly ghosted over her waist up to her chest, like he was scared to ask for more. Byleth just whined in response, breaking their kiss for breath but not stopping him. Dimitri bit at her neck this time before he finally dug one hand deep into the soft flesh of her breast. He mumbled against her hair, so weak she could barely understand as his hand stiffened just a touch, pulling back.

"Have you ever wanted something so badly it frightened you?"

Byleth stilled. It was apparent from context what he was referring to, but he had no clue the depths she would fall to to make him happy.  _ Couldn't _ know. 

"Frightened?"

She pulled back, and the haunted look on his face hid some mixture of dread and anticipation she couldn't quite place, and all the sudden she couldn't tell if she was misreading what he said. 

"Like… a pull so strong you feel you could lose yourself to it. Like you could forget everything you hoped to be, just for a taste of it."

Byleth blinked hard, stiffening in his listless grasp. He stared somewhere beyond her before her lips parted in muted confusion and he shifted just a bit. 

"Forget I said anything. It's foolish."

"What do you want?" she pressed.

Dimitri closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, pushing away from her ever so slightly. The few inches between their warm bodies was cavernous, a void left in her need. The restless itch in him to fidget away from her comfort was too alluring, rubbing small circles into her arm as he pinned her at a distance.

"It's a distraction. What I want doesn't matter." 

He sounded so defeated, so hopeless. Byleth reached her hand out to stroke his cheek, gently tracing the handsome somber lines of his sculpted face as his eyelashes fluttered at the contact, swallowing hard. She pushed herself back into the space he created, and didn't miss the strained exhale in response to her body against his. Then she had a guess. 

"Why not?"

Dimitri finally met her gaze once again, and that same guilt and need was laced in every inch of him as he softened. Perhaps he realized he was being a fool for denying himself, but couldn’t bring himself to stop. Knowing him before he recovered in her previous life, it made sense, but she wouldn't allow him to fester in that self-loathing for a moment longer now that she had the emotional wherewithal to do something about it. 

"I have a duty… obligations that… um. I can't. I can't do this. They'll hate me for it."

"Nobody needs to know, Dimitri."

Byleth knew instinctively that he wasn't talking about letting down his country as a Prince with his desire for her, but his drive to satisfy the dead. One tiny hand reached for his thundering chest as she insisted further. There was no shame as she spoke, no intonation past plain fact, and she could tell he wanted to believe her for a second before his hand grabbed hers, pinning it in place so it couldn't roam any further. 

"You don't understand! Can't… can't understand. It runs too deep." 

He tried to keep the bitter tone from seeping in to deny his admiration for her, but his problems were stronger. A beat later, he pulled back even that small amount of fight in resignation, mumbling an apology before she answered once more. 

"Don't I? You can have both."

Dimitri loosened his shaky hand, covering his eyes in shame as he nodded his head against the pillow. As her touch lingered, he didn't stop her this time, gentle hand caressing with all the delicacy he was robbed of in his youth. Fingers gently grazed the ridges of his beautiful toned frame, sharp tiny breaths punctuating every new spot on her way as he flexed under her attention. Dimitri would not complain, not as those fingers grew more insistent, biting his lip as he lay transfixed with his eyes shut to focus on what she was doing. So when Byleth finally grazed over where he was begging for attention, he choked back a groan, stopping himself from bucking into her hand. 

"Please…"

His plea left him in a ragged cry, his hot length twitching at the slightest touch even through his pants as he willed himself still. She remembered every intimate detail of the man she loved, knowing just what he needed to come apart before he whispered to her.

"I don't know if I can hold back if you…"

With how he was completely fine tasting her, feeling her womanhood on his tongue with no shame a week ago only to now crumble at her barely touching him, she knew he had shut down before. Guilt rose at that realization, so focused he was on making her happy at all costs he couldn't even appreciate the moment… Byleth pulled back just a touch before he  _ whined _ , actually  _ whined _ , and grabbed her wrist to pin it to his crotch. Her reassurance was soft.

"If you are worried about hurting me, just let me do this." 

That seemed to assuage his fears for now, grip loosening as he shook his head a bit too eagerly. He wanted this so badly, wanted  _ her _ so badly that this simple act broke him down to a pathetic mess, and she knew she couldn't help but love him and all his messy, unrestrained passion once more. Leaning forward, she surprised him with a kiss as she started to stroke over the strained length trapped in his too tight pants. Dimitri responded eagerly, cupping her face to lock lips and buck into her hand before catching himself and stopping again. His eyes remained closed, willing himself to not move too much and hurt her as she quickly loosened his pants and firmly grabbed his cock directly. He hissed her name, gripping her face as she ran her thumb over the leaking head. 

"Byleth…"

Both of them knew intimately the destructive power in each other's hands, the power to rend lives in two without mercy, and to surrender such a gentle moment to her in that… it sobered her. Every time he touched her, it was with a reverence that shook her to her core. So his insistent hold on her shoulder as he curled into her touch broke her down even further, gripping harder at his shaft in turn to slowly pump. She knew he wouldn't last long with how worked up he had gotten, but she was determined to milk every last drop of sweetness she could from her boy, for his benefit first. It was all he deserved after all she had done.. The bliss and tension on his face was too much to handle, legs tensing as they wrapped up in her own, holding her with just enough room to work his manhood over as it pulsed hard and wanting for her attentions. A swipe under the lip of the sensitive head drew a stifled whine from deep in his chest, head thrown back before he panted in her ear. 

"Harder..."

His resolve was giving out, squirming and wincing at how much effort holding back was before she paused. Lamenting the loss of contact, he opened his eyes to watch as Byleth coated her palm in a gratuitous amount of saliva before palming his length in earnest. Dimitri moaned at the surprise, eyes rolling back in his head as he gave up and started fucking himself on her tightly wrapped palm, gripping her for stability.

Blinking fast, she saw her hand on him in another time. Another place. Fhirdiad. Their bedroom. She traced the lines born of his exhaustion, years of battling trauma and the weight of an entire nation bearing hard down on his kind head, bowing his tired shoulders begging for respite.

"Beloved… you are so patient. Just as beautiful as the day we met. I will always love you..." 

His arthritic hand takes hers shakily, pressing a dry kiss to her palm. It wasn't hyperbole. Another time she outlived her love, skin unmarred by the pressures of time. It wasn't fair. _It wasn't fair._ None of it matters, mattered. The fabric of time weaved eternally around her, laced as delicately as his fingers through her own as he finished in her hand with the softest of cries. She was gone from Fhirdiad so very long ago, and was now once more holding a sticky hand around his member in his dorm room as her heart dropped. His gasps for air filled the room, shaky arms holding her as a tether to the world as he came down from the high.

"Why are you so kind to me?" A weak child to the man she once knew, his voice wavered. He understood not in concrete terms, but implicitly. 

_ You're my husband…  _

"Because I… I don't know. It hurts seeing you like this."

She had no reason not to. It didn't matter. She saw her own hopelessness echoed in his own, born of a different mother, but just as devastating. They spoke to one another, and she let his own despair whisper of the futility of her actions. Byleth wanted to be important. Wanted to matter. He fed her happily, unaware of the monster he was fostering in his desperation. At least she wasn't alone any longer. His eyes fluttered open as he caught his breath, only to frown in concern once more. 

"Byleth…? Why are you crying?"


End file.
